A Time for Healing
by pancakes21
Summary: Although the – unnamed – boy had only arrived into CCG custody going on six weeks now, he had quite the file. Harming three investigators, one academy instructor, a handful of police officers, along with those two therapists Shinohara had mentioned. The list went on and on, and the only thing Emiko couldn't believe, was that she actually agreed to take up his case.
1. Chapter 1

Emiko fumed about the injustices of her department while storming down the quiet and empty halls. She wanted to take her boss and shake him. In the privacy of her own mind she rehearsed their future dialogue silently, imagining all the things she wanted to say, instead of the things that would actually end up coming out of her mouth.

She had arrived early in her cramped office the day after working yet another long shift. To her, getting to work earlier than everyone else was like finding the eye in the storm. Her position at the CCG Bureau's Psychotherapy Unity started just a few months ago, and her boss had been working her like a dog ever since - more so than the other therapists, she might add.

The night before, Emiko had triumphantly completed the most enormous stack of paperwork that she had ever seen in her whole life - the stack that was of course dumped on her by her superiors. As she swung open the door to her crowded-yet-organized office space in the morning however, she was disheartened to find her completed stacks of work files missing, and replaced by a pile of fresh new ones.

Working overtime, working through lunch breaks, and jumping through hoops to try and impress her boss and senior co-workers was apparently not enough for everyone at the department. Angrily, Emiko stormed off to her boss' office. She would be there when he waltzed into work that day, coffee in hand and belly protruding from his tight suit coat. He would have a piece of her mind. She realized she was a newbie, but she didn't deserve this.

Still fuming, she rounded the corner of the hallway – when she almost bumped into a face she hadn't seen in a while.

"Shinohara-san?" she asked.

The huge CCG investigator turned to face her, flashing her a wide smile. He was wearing his usual black suit, and his hands were in his pockets. His stance looked relaxed and casual, however she could tell by his slightly disheveled hair and the dark bags under his eyes that something was amiss.

A quick glance at her wristwatch told her it was 6:34 am. She had at least 11 minutes to spare before her boss would turn up.

"It's so good to see you! Its been too long," she said. "What brings you here this early?" As far as Emiko knew, Shinohara was stationed somewhere on the opposite side of Tokyo as her, and she wondered what sort of business he was visiting on.

"Good to see you too Emi-chan," he replied fondly, just as he always had since she was in the Academy. "I'm sorry but, I've actually come see _you_. I have a special favor to ask."

Emiko sighed. A _favor?_ She loved Shinohara like an older brother or a mentor, but she could hardly spread herself so thin at a time like this.

"What's wrong?" she asked. Nonetheless, the Ghoul Investigator had put forth the effort to actually take a trip out to her department. Since Shinohara was hardly in the habit of stopping by to ask for favors from her, she figured it must have been really important.

"It's about a kid my squad found on a raid a few months ago," he explained. He kept glancing around the tight hallway space as if not wanting to divulge more information before they had some privacy. "Will you take a walk with me?" he asked.

Stepping on her tiptoes to look over Shinohara's broad shoulders, she peaked anxiously into her boss' office, as though her pot-bellied superior could have snuck past them in the hallway and made his way into his office undetected. With a sigh of defeat Emiko nodded and agreed, following her old instructor back to her own office.

"It looks like they're working you to the bone over here," Shinohara said as soon as they entered the room. The place was absolutley covered from top to bottom with papers, files, work boxes and other miscalaneous office supplies.

Emiko only flashed him a quick, tired smile.

"So this kid," he continued, cutting to the chase for her sake. "He desperately needs some counseling. And I know you're the only one who can do it."

Emiko had to stop herself from raising her eyebrows. "Me?" she asked.

"You're the only one I can trust with this. After attacking the two other therapists at the Acadamy, noone else will give him a chance. And if he keeps going on like this without improvment, I don't know what the CCG will do..."

Emiko stood speachless, wondering if Shinohara was actually asking her to meet with a violent wild-child. In her line of work, she would routinely meet with people who's lives have been destroyed by ghouls, although generally her clients were adults, or children accompanied by parents – the Junior Acadamy therapists were usually the ones who dealt with orphaned children.

She didn't know how to respond. On the one hand, she instantly felt for the boy – as she could feel for all of her clients. But on the other hand…

Now don't get Emiko wrong, it wasn't the kid's supposed violent behavior that made her uneasy – she had dealt with violent and dangerous clients before, so she had no qualms about working with those types – but for _Shinohara_ of all people to come out of his way and personally ask her – this kid already seemed like he would be a real handful.

"You... really believe in this kid, hu?" she asked tentatively. As Emiko watched Shinohara's head go up and down, Emiko cursed herself silently for what she was about to say next. "I'll see what I can do about it, ok?"

Although the CCG acknowledged Emiko's strong empathy as good and righteous, she often felt it was a curse. For one thing, it made it nearly impossible for her to say no to anybody, even when she already had a load and a half of shit to do from all the other people she just couldn't say no to.

Somehow – or by the grace of God – despite her crazy-busy schedule, Emiko managed to complete everything she needed to get done by the end of that week. Or at least most of it. Regardless, on Saturday morning she got up early to make it to the train station, making it all the way to the investigation department of that ward.

It would be odd conducting a session in an Investigator's Bureau instead of her office, but she would have to make due – after all, Shinohara himself insisted.

With the special case file in hand, she exited the train and walked the rest of the way to the department. After a friendly receptionist guided her to the correct floor, she sat in the waiting room, wondering who the mysterious child might be that she was about to meet.

Although the – unnamed – boy had only arrived into CCG custody going on six weeks now, he had quite the file. Harming three investigators, one academy instructor, a handful of police officers, along with those two therapists Shinohara had mentioned. On the bottom of all the police reports, a long list that went on for pages and pages described multiple and repeated accounts of self-harm, aggression, and other violent behaviors.

But it all came together when she read the hospital reports alongside Shinohara's report.

"Jeez, raised by ghouls," she mumbled to herself, alone in the rather cold waiting room. "I'd be surprised if the kid _wasn't_ a basket case."

"That's what I thought," replied Shinohara suddenly from the doorway. "I can't help but feel sorry for the boy, you know?"

"Pity isn't what the boy needs," interrupted some other person from behind Shinohara. From the way he was dressed, he appeared to be an investigator as well. "Sometimes, there's only one thing you can do to help people like that," said the man, with greying hair and wrinkled skin, as he glided a slim finger across his own neck.

"Emi-chan, meet Special Class Investigator Igarashi. He'll be observing Suzuya with us today as well."

Emiko nodded and respectfully bowed, trying her hardest not to allow her face to respond to the old man's crude gesture.

As they all walked together into the interrogation room, the young therapist saw an unusual sight. To be completely honest, she didn't quite know what to expect from the child she was reading about in her case files, but the small boy sitting in the center of the dark room was definitely not it.

The child had lifeless, white hair and red, sunken eyes. The boy's clothes were too big for him, and he sat in the fetal position with his legs up on the chair and back curled up. Emiko wondered if this malnourished-looking kid, with arms and legs that looked like twigs, really was capable of all the things she read about in his case files.

They boy seemed to be staring at something far off in the distance and did not bother to look up at the three strange CCG employees as they entered the room. The poor boy didn't even flinch when Igarashi slammed his hands down hard on the metal interrogation desk, attempting to snap the boy out of it.

"Excuse me, _Special Investigator-san_ ," Emiko said. "But I won't be tolerating this behavior. I'm a therapist, _not_ an interrogator. I'll be taking things over from here on out."

At this, the boy looked up at her and gave her a blank, piercing stare. It was odd, but non-threatening, so Emiko continued.

"Hello, I'm Third Class Bureau Investigator Emiko Kouen," she said, looking at the frail boy up and down, who had diverted eye contact again. "I've come here to help you, although I'm sorry it has to be in a room like this," she said eyeing the room, trying to prompt him to say something.

While she waited, she took a seat, smoothing out her black pencil skirt, and spread her file book out along the table as Investigators Shinohara and Igarashi took seats by the door, silently waiting.

"I'm sorry, but I don't seem to have a name on your file. Could you tell me what your name is?"

Silence.

Emiko shuffled her papers around some more, giving the boy some time and space to make him feel comfortable around her.

"He calls himself Rei Suzuya," mumbled Igarashi from the other end of the room when it had become apparent the boy wasn't going to speak up any time soon.

Emiko squinted her eyes over by where the investigators were sitting. "I was asking the boy. Not _you_." Waving her hand dismissively, she added, "You both can step out into the hallway if you can't keep quiet."

Shinohara gave her a look that said "what did I do", but he refrained from speaking and kept his mouth shut.

"Rei, is it?" Emiko asked, turning back to the boy and giving him a warm smile.

"The ghouls gave me that name," the boy said quietly after a few seconds. He wasn't looking at her, but instead at Igarashi, with a devilish expression on his face that Emiko couldn't quite decipher. It looked to be somewhere between joy and rage.

All she knew was, it was quite off-putting. Shinohara however, looked astonished. After all, it had taken _him_ several days to get Suzuya to have any sort of rational conversation.

"I see," Emiko said, jotting down a note in her journal. "It's not very fitting anyway, is it?" Emiko reflected on an old woman she once had as a neighbor whose name was Rei, who always used to feed the cats in the alleyways, and the seagulls in the parks.

The boy, however, continued to stare in silence at Igarashi who was returning the stare with full force, although his seemed more human-like.

"I want to tell you now, Suzuya, that you don't live with the ghouls anymore. You are safe here."

Silence.

"You can pick a new name, if you'd like," she suggested. "One that you give yourself, instead. One that we can use together whenever we meet up to talk."

"A new name?" the boy asked, somewhat disconnected. He was still staring down the investigator like a jackal staring down its prey.

"I'll let you think about it. A new name is a big decision. Maybe it's something you can discuss with Shinohara-san? Do you two get along?"

For some reason at those words she uttered, Suzuya snapped his head back towards her so fast, she was afraid his neck might break.

"Shinohara?" he asked. His voice sounded oddly high-pitched as he tilted his head to the side. "Yes, yes!"

Suddenly the boy jumped out of his seat, landing with cat-like grace on the investigation table in front of Emiko, startling everybody in the room. Even Igarashi spilled his coffee a little on his white-collared shirt.

Suzuya then leaned in dangerously close until his face was just inches from her own and she could smell his heavy breath as it intensified and came faster and faster. "Yes, you _smell_ like him."

"Rei! Get down!" yelled Igarashi as the two investigators also jumped up from their seats by the doorway and rushed to the therapist's aid. Unfortunately, Igarashi was faster.

Reaching out, he grabbed Suzuya by the collar of the boy's over-sized shirt and attempted to throw him towards the ground. The move looked like it worked – like it _should_ have worked – but Suzuya miraculously landed on his feet and turned his body around, disregarding the twisted up fabric around his neck. Without skipping a beat, the boy lunged at Igarashi.

"Stop! Stop!" yelled Emiko, standing up from her spot at the desk now as well, furious that the two investigators had stepped in.

Luckily Shinohara was able to step in between the two at that very moment, blocking Igarashi's next attack, and taking Suzuya's blow right into his lower back. Standing in between the two, he was at least able to force them to freeze. Mostly because Suzuya kinda liked Shinohara, and didn't want to keep on hitting him. At least for today.

"Gah! I can't believe it!" said Emiko. She immediately began furiously packing up her things and shoving them angrily back inside of her briefcase. "I can't believe it! _Ghoul_ _Investigators_!"

"Wait, Emi-chan!" called Shinohara, but she was now headed for the door.

"No!" she yelled back at him. "You asked me to come here to speak with the boy, and you two can't even control yourselves! What? Did you think the boy was gonna _hurt_ me? I have a blackbelt in Judo you know," she said, fed up with everybody. If there was one thing she disliked more than having to do everyone else's work, it was Ghoul Investigators like Igarashi who liked to use violence to solve all their problems.

"You're right Emi-chan," said Shinohara quietly, still holding the Senior Investigator back, although Suzuya had already lost interest. The boy was currently up next to Emiko. He had circled around her a few times, poking her bag and untying her shoelaces as she talked. She didn't mind it.

"But the boy needs someone," Shinohara continued. "And I think he's actually taken a liking to you. You see, he usually doesn't talk with people when he first meets them. I'm astounded by how much he's opened up so far! Please, you're the only chance he's got before he gets removed from my custody." He blinked a few times, signaling to Igarashi, implying that people like _him_ might be in charge of the boy's future.

Emiko sighed.

As she looked down at the boy who was still fiddling with her shoelaces, her heart fell again and she realized she could not say no. But could she ever?

"Alright, fine. But the next visit... It's gonna be on my terms."


	2. Worth a Thousand Words

"Hello Suzuya, it's nice to see you again," Emiko said, greeting Shinohara and the boy as they walked into the 'CCG's Children's Therapist's Office'. The 'office' in fact, was actually just a place for children to wait and play while parents came in for an appointment, but it would do the job just the same. According to Emiko, it was a much more fitting place for a boy like Rei than an interrogation room.

She watched Rei as he walked around, familiarizing himself with his surroundings, and Shinohara stepped outside into the hallway, just as they had agreed upon.

The ceiling of the room was blue with painted clouds and a bright yellow sun on it, and the floor was a green shag. There were kid's books, beanbag chairs, and some stuffed animals and assorted toys in a corner.

"Have you thought more about a nickname that I could call you yet?" Emiko asked after a while. She realized she didn't want to address him as Rei, especially if the boy didn't like it.

He was poking around the children's books section, holding one of them in his hands rather awkwardly when he turned to looked to her. "Yes. I was talking about it with Shinohara-san. I want you to call me Juuzou Suzuya."

Emiko wondered if he knew he was jumping from one odd name to another with that one. But of course, that was none of her business. After coming out of a situation like the boy was in, he needed to establish some sort of control over his own life.

"Do you know how to write your new nickname?" she decided to ask instead, seeing him hold a book upside down. She wondered if he even knew how to read or write.

Juuzou looked curious.

"If you come over to this white board, I can teach you the kanji if you'd like."

"Kanji?"

"Yeah, like what's in that book you're holding."

Juuzou looked surprised for a second, then ran up to her, eager to learn what she was talking about.

When Emiko was done giving her short lesson, she allowed him practice on his own, and while he reached his arm upwards to make his first line, his shirt - still not properly fitting - slid down his arm, revealing multiple scars all along his neck and shoulder area, both old and fresh.

Ghouls sure were terrible.

* * *

"Alright Juuzou, time's almost up," Emiko announced after an hour and a half of their session went by.

The boy cocked his head to the side as she let Shinohara in from the hallway.

"But I don't want to leave," he said. She gave him a sad smile.

"I promise we'll see each other again soon, don't worry."

Making his way across the green grass-like carpet, Shinohara placed a hand on the boy's shoulder and gave a look of surprise over towards Emiko. "Wow Emi-chan," he started, amazed. "You're the first person I think that Juuzou hasn't lashed out at."

He would never let Emiko know, but he was standing close to the door the whole time, listening in to make sure nothing horrible happened. Not that he didn't trust in Emiko's abilities, it was just that he learned to always expect the worst of behaviors from Rei.

Emiko looked down at her makeshift desk in the children's play room, sifting through her notes and papers, trying to hide her pride. "Of course. All the kid needs is to be treated like a real boy, and not some monster." As she gathered her things and they continued their conversation, Juuzou ran off to the whiteboard to practice writing his name again.

"Look Shinohara-san!' he called proudly when he was through. Both adults looked at the elementary-like scribbles that were written big on the board.

"Haha, you'll be reading novels in no time!" Shinohara responded warmly.

Emiko smiled.

"I'll be by your place to deliver some things within the next few days," she said to Shinohara in a lower voice. "I honestly don't think he needs to be on all the medications he's on. I know a doctor so I'll write up a referral to him. I also want him to visit a doctor about his… scars. So I'll write up a note for that as well. Also, I'll deliver some writing books to your apartment so he can get a head start in school. He's not prepared socially or mentally to enter the Academy yet, so anything to help him get ahead at home is best."

She probably had about a billion other things to cover, including getting the boy some normal-fitting clothes (not just Shinohara's old t-shirts), but they could wait till she saw them again.

As for her advice, Shinohara nodded, taking in all that she told him. "And while you're over, maybe we can grab some dinner or something?" he suggested.

Emiko frowned.

Because of her personality she was always someone who could never say no to anybody's requests - except - for when men hit on her. Maybe it was because she was so used to slimy Ghoul Investigators and Bureau men trying to hit on her all through her career, or stupid frat boys trying to get with her all through college. Whatever it was, she was capable of being a hard-ass when it came to dates.

"No thank you. I make it a point to never go out with Ghoul Investigators," she said cheekily to Shinohara's offer for dinner.

And with that, Emiko packed up the last of her things and left Shinohara alone in the room, wondering if he should tell her that he didn't really mean it that way.

….

In the hallway, Emiko helped send Juuzou off with more promises of seeing each other again soon.

Although at first, Emiko didn't think the boy was going to be that much of a problem, during their session that day she couldn't help but notice that the boy was definitely disturbed.

It started off innocent enough - while they were writing on the whiteboard together, she quickly found out that he was a good drawer, but when she let him draw whatever he wanted on the board, she quickly regretted her decision. If a picture was worth a thousand words...

In less than twenty minutes, the board was covered in gruesome pictures - some Emiko not even knowing what they might be depicting - not because he was a bad drawer, but because some of the scenes were purely unimaginable.

A common theme in each scene were two women - one an older, fat lady, and the other a little girl. When he first began his drawings of them, it seemed as though the two were doing innocent things together - both with large smiles on their faces, until he began to draw the blood that splattered nearly every other inch of the whiteboard.

Emiko had seen some pretty disturbing stuff as a Ghoul Investigator Therapist, but those images shook her to her core. What was more, Juuzou didn't really seem to find his own pictures disturbing or out of the ordinary at all. She didn't even want to imagine what that boy had been through to make him draw things the way he did.

Regardless, he had a gift for art, and she made a note to use that in future sessions.

In the hallway, she waved at the pair as they took off down to the elevators (Shinohara deciding _not_ to tell her his offer for dinner was purely friendly, and not a date).

This boy that Emiko's old friend brought to her would definitely be a handful, but if Shinohara, the most patient man in the world, believed in Juuzou Suzuya, then so would she.


	3. Fields of Vision

"I think that for today's session, we should go out," offered Emiko to Juuzou, who immediately got excited. They had met up a couple of times in the same room for the past month now, and the young therapist thought it was about time for a little change of scenery.

"You can just stay here and wait for us," she said to Shinohara, waving him off as she and the excited boy walked passed him down the hallway to her car. Alright it wasn't _her_ car, as the car belonged to the department, but she had free reign over it and was one of the only Bureau workers who used it.

"Where are we going?" Juuzou asked, rummaging around in his seat aboard the official-looking car, peaking in all the nooks and crannys, compartments and folds.

"When's the last time you've been to a park?"

"Park?" echoed the boy, crouching in his seat and playing with the automatic windows as Emiko started the car. "There's a few parks Shinohara and I see on the train ride here, but I've never been to one."

Emiko had to stop herself from making a face. Of course ghouls would have never taken the boy to a park. And although Juuzou has been making progress, it would be a little shady to bring him into such a public place filled with civilians without heavy supervision. But she had a strict policy against such interference, and it proved to be especially apparent in the boy's case. He seemed more like himself when he wasn't being watched by people who thought he was a menace to society, looming over him and waiting for him to mess up.

"You have to sit properly in your chair, like how I am," she said, although it was more of a suggestion. If they got pulled over, she had special immunity. She only figured he should learn how to assimilate into human society sooner rather than later.

Juuzou chose to not listen to her advice, but only sat mesmerized by the city passing before his eyes from the car window.

The boy didn't talk much ever, and Emiko attributed that to his situation, not thinking too much of it. He talked a bunch with Shinohara, and as long as the boy had somebody, she wasn't that worried. With time, there would be healing, she was sure of it.

"What have you seen people do in the park?" she asked.

"I see them talking," he responded after a few moments. "People like to talk."

Emiko raised her eyebrow. "Sometimes that's true. Is that true for you?"

"I don't know," he answered, as if he was still contemplating it.

"Is it something that you're used to?" she asked. Juuzou didn't like talking much about his past, and so it has been a long road so far for the two of them. As expected, he didn't respond.

When the two arrived at the park, she warned him to stay by her side the entire time. She wasn't entirely sure how he was around other people, but if his reaction to Igarashi was any testament, she would have to be really cautious with him. Luckily he obliged, not seeming to know what to do anyway. She decided to take him on a nature trail. There were only a few other couples walking around, but otherwise, relatively safe.

"It's a nice day, isn't it?" she asked, making small talk.

Suzuya only shrugged, eyes darting about.

Today would be tough getting him to talk, she could sense it. Like all clients, he had his good days and his bad days.

They weren't walking for too long after, when a couple sitting down on a small incline, accidentally let their dog loose. The yipping pup clumsily ran up towards them, tripping over its ears and wagging it's tail happily.

Emiko was very upset at the careless couple, and was about to shield the dog away from the boy, when he did the most curious thing; he crouched down and started petting it as it lapped up at his fingers.

Strange.

She would have to remember that he was good with animals.

"Have you ever seen a dog before?"

He didn't respond.

"He's cute isn't he?"

Juuzou nodded his head as a smile escaped from his lips.

"Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry!" said the woman who was the owner of the dog. She wagged her finger at her small pet as she frantically put his leash back on. The woman had a nervous expression, and quickly shuffled away. It must have been Suzuya's gruff and pale look. He indeed looked frightening, and the woman's reaction was indeed justified.

"You're pretty good with animals. You know, I have a friend who owns some cats, I'll have to introduce you two."

To her amazement, the boy looked delighted, and stared at her, engaged and making eye contact.

"Cats? I'd like that a lot Emi-chan!"

Emiko smiled. He was copying the way Shinohara said her name, although she didn't really seem to mind it when Suzuya said it.

"Have you ever had a melon bun? I'd like to buy you one, if that's all right."

The boy tilted his head to the side, indicating his curiosity, and so she led him across the street to the nearby convenience store.

The bell rang in the market as the door swung open. Emiko turned her head towards the boy to explain to him some proper shopping store edicate, when Juuzou ran off down an isle so suddenly, it made Emiko panic a little. She immediately took off after him, only to see him crouched down, looking at some candy.

She sighed in relief. "I'll buy you some pocky sticks too, if you are good," she said, patting the boy on his shoulder like she had seen Shinohara do so many times before. "In store's, people usually don't run."

He immediately ripped his shoulder away from her grasp and took off running back down the aisle.

"Juuzou!" she called to him, frustrated and running after him once more. After a few minutes of no luck, she cursed herself as she pulled out her phone. Did he leave the store? What would people do if they found him? What would he do if he encountered people? A million questions flooded her mind as she shakily punched in Shinohara's number. Before she could hit the call button however, she spotted him down an aisle, captivated by something shiny on one of the shelves. They appeared to be sewing needles.

"Do you know how to sew Juuzou?" she asked, trying not to sound so worried as she caught up to him crouched on the ground. As she steadied her breathing, she took special note not to touch him.

No response.

Instead, Juuzou quickly reached out and grasped a package of one of the needles. He greedily tore it open with his mouth and began to stick his arm all up and down with them, laughing like a mad man.

"Juuzou, stop it!" she whispered frantically to him, trying at the same time to shield the boy from the curious gazes of the other customers who were now crowding around them. "I said stop it!" she said as blood began to pour out from his arm and splatter across the linoleum floor. Not knowing what else to do, she reached out to stop his arm. It was at that moment that she realized all her years in Judo were for naught.

He quickly jumped back, grabbing her arm instead and pulling her down, and threw the open plastic container of needles at her, showering her face with them. Most of them fell to the floor or got caught in her hair, but a few scraped her cheeks, and one got lodged directly into her left eye.

She quickly let out a yelp of pain before reaching up and yanking it straight out of her eye. It was a knee jerk reaction, although the pain only increased.

"Hey, is this guy bothering you?" asked one man stepping out from the crowd and taking aggressive steps towards Juuzou.

"No! Everyone stop!" she yelled, one hand clutching her left eye, the other fishing her pockets for her CCG badge. She placed herself directly in front of Juuzou, attempting to shield him from any attacks the man might give.

The boy even stopped cutting himself to look up and see Emiko's actions, puzzled by what she was doing.

Finally finding her badge, she pulled it out. "Everyone please step away! I'm a CCG officer."

Luckily everyone in the convenience store was more obedient than her client. She pulled the stunned Juuzou up by the collar, beckoning her to follow him, tossed a wad of money at the cashier, and the two quickly left.

…..

"I suppose now I don't get to have any pocky sticks," said the boy, sighing as they got into the car. He glanced over at Emiko, tears pouring out uncontrollably from her injured eye.

His casual response to the grave situation he had just caused told Emiko that the boy had absolutely no regard for other's, virtually zero capacity for empathy or regret or judging other's emotions.

She was still clutching her eye as she handed the box towards him. "It's ok, you can still have it." She had picked it up as they were leaving the store.

For some reason, these words shook Juuzou to the core.

"What do you mean?" he asked quietly. Instead of reaching for the box, he brought a bloodied hand up to his chest, knotting up the fabrics and materials from his shirt there. "What do you mean I can still have it? You told me I could only have it if I was good, but I wasn't. I was bad. I was bad."

Emiko turned in her seat to face him, trying to keep up the calm atmosphere in the car. "No Juuzou. You are a good kid."

"No I'm not! Why are you so nice to me!" he yelled at her. Emiko almost felt afraid.

She thought about it for a moment. "Because I'm a human. Human's are kind to each other. They care about each other and have a sense of comradery. Ghoul's don't have that. You weren't shown any kindness before, because you were with ghouls. Now here at the CCG, with Shinohara and me, you're safe. You're with human's now."

Luckily, her words seemed to have a calming effect. "Humans," he mouthed back, turning his face away towards the window. The sun was beginning to set.

"I've killed humans, I think," he continued softly, reminiscing.

It was Emiko's turn for silence. He had never, ever brought up his past before, and she wanted him to feel comfortable telling her all he wanted to.

"Why did you kill humans Juuzou?" she prompted when he was silent for more than a few minutes.

"The ghouls hurt me," he explained, and Emiko held her breath.

"They used to do this to me," he said, lifting up his bloodied arms for her to see, before reaching to his lap and ripping open the box of pocky sticks.

"Ghouls do a lot of terrible things," she affirmed, nodding her head.

"They never gave me sweets. They're really tasty, though." He grabbed a few sticks and proceeded to munch on them.

This made Emiko smile.

Of course.

She fumbled in her purse and pulled out her keys to start the engine.

"Ghoul's did terrible things to me too," she said as she pulled out of the parking lot. She normally didn't give away personal information to clients, but Juuzou was a special case after all.

He looked intrigued.

"They killed my family," she explained.

"What's a family?"

Emiko looked over at him with sadness glinting in her good eye. She temporarily forgot about the pain. "It's something only humans have. It is people who are really close and like to be together and share things with each other."

Juuzou seemed pensive for a moment. "I don't have a family then."

"What are you talking about?" she asked, smiling a little, trying to concentrate on the road with her limited vision. "The CCG is your family now."

He smiled back, excited about this new revelation - and then pensive once more, although silent this time, as if contemplating the meaning of these words.

When the two arrived back at the department, a fussy Shinohara met them with a stern glare, obviously not impressed by their bloody and disheveled appearances. After a long and stern talking-to, the two were finally off the hook and were allowed to move out of the hallway and back into the office to acquire their belongings. Not only were they both a mess, they were twenty minutes late, meaning Emiko's next appointment would start in ten.

Before she could rush the two out the door however, Juuzou turned to face her.

"Emi-chan?"

"Hmm?"

"Th… Thank you."

"Aww, for what Juuzou?"

"I feel nice inside. I don't know what this is, or how, but it's….. nice."

Emiko had to hold back the lump in her throat. The kid has certainly made a lot of progress.

"And," he continued, " I know what I want to do now."

"Oh? What's that?"

"I want to be like Shinohara-san!"

Emiko frowned playfully. "Well, as long as you don't go around asking friend's who are already busy for more favors."

Juuzou cocked his head to the side. "No, nothing like that. I want to kill ghouls, Emi-chan!"

She smiled at the kid's resolve. Goals were one of the first things she might ask a regular patient.

"I'm going to get revenge on what happened to me. And you too."

"Haha, alright Juuzou, but first you have to go through the CCG Academy, and to do that, you have to be good for me, ok?"

"Right!" he yelled excitedly, charging down the hallway at full speed, as if intent on starting now.

"Well, I guess even though you two got in a lot of trouble today, you must have done something right!" Shinohara said to Emiko sheepishly as he carried on down the hallway after him.

Emiko couldn't believe the day she had so far. She turned back into her office and looked down at her next appointment file, when blood and some other liquid poured out from her eye.

"Damnit," she muttered, clutching her left eye once more, running into the bathroom to get a towel, as her vision began to grow blurry.

…..

A few weeks after the incident at the convenience store, Emiko and two other senior therapists cleared Juuzou to attend the CCG Junior Academy. Everyone was relieved.

Although, the boy was still not completely normal. He still had next to zero concept of morality, and still exhibited violent and self harming behaviors.

Despite all of this however, he was still cleared after much pressure and form waving from the higher ups. Emiko was forced to comply.


	4. The Night the Moon was Gone

_The moon was gone. Or so Emiko had been told._

" _It disappears every once in a while," her father, Raiden said in his usual, high pitched storytelling voice as they snuggled up together on the creaky old recliner stationed in their modest living room. He usually did not let his daughter have sweets so soon before she went to bed, but it was winter, and Emiko did not have school in the morning. She can indulge, he decided, for once and have some hot chocolate. Emiko sat curled up on his lap, pink mug in one hand, and the other around his neck._

 _Ever since his wife had died…_

 _Emiko's little body snuggled up more closely on her father's chest, as if she could somehow reach his heart. He wrapped his arms around her and gave a strong squeeze, causing some of her chocolate to spill over the edges of her mug, staining it and her small pants brown. She squealed._

" _It gets shy, like you do sometimes."_

" _And how can we bring the moon back?" Emiko recited faithfully, knowing from hearing this story a thousand times that it was only proper to answer back that same line._

" _Well, if you want_ that _to happen, you have to tell her how much you love her."_

 _Excitedly, she jumped from her father's lap, tossing her half full mug of chocolate to the side table, and rushed to the window. Propping herself up on the sill, she pressed her chubby cheeks against the cold glass, causing it to fog up all around her. She looked up into the blank night sky, seeing the tall buildings of Tokyo stand sentinel against the harsh winds that sometimes blew threw the cracks of their old apartment complex. It was eerily dark without the moon there to bring light to the city._

" _Moon!" she cried to the sky from the window. "Hey moon! I love you! Please come back!"_

 _After she was convinced she had done enough pleading, she glanced at her father from across the room, who nodded his approval. Eagerly, she rushed back into his arms, jumping from the sil as if it had burned her._

" _Alright, now if I_ really _want the moon to come back, I have to fall asleep and ask her to come back in my dreams, right?" she asked her father, attempting to stifle a yawn._

" _That's right, my princess," he said, scooping her up in his arms and carrying her into her bedroom, her face pressed up against the front of his shirt, smudging it with some chocolate residue there that did not come off on the window. He took a clean corner of his shirt and wiped the rest of her mouth with it as he layed her down._

" _I'll see you in the morning," he whispered as he tucked her in and turned out the lights._

 _Unfortunately, he could not make that a promise._

 _Later, within the quiet of the night, strange noises could be heard from the kitchen of that tiny apartment of a girl and her father sleeping soundly. A scraping, a hammering, a clawing. And finally, the shatter of glass. Thuds of footsteps._

 _Emiko jolted awake as two cold hands wrapped around her mouth, squeezing it shut and stopping her breathing. She tried her best to struggle and scream, but quickly relaxed when she noticed it was her father's hands around her mouth. He let go._

" _Emiko!" he whispered hurriedly. His usual slicked hair was disheveled in appearance and his eyes looked sunken and weary. Nonetheless, those eyes conveyed a sort of urgency that she had never seen before. "Hide!"_

 _Immediately she crawled out of her small mattress situated flat on the creaking floorboards, and darted into the closet, not questioning her father's judgments._

 _Soon she heard a commotion in the far room. A flash of the living room lights, clicks of the opening of a CCG suitcase, the grunts of fighting and the clanging of quinque steel. With a dangerous curiosity to see what was going on, she dared to step outside of the closet, and she took a glance out the wooden door of her bedroom._

 _Suddenly there was a deafening silence, and Emiko began to open her door wider. Was her father alright? She paused, palm sweating on the cold doorknob as her heart throbbed wildly in her ears._

 _Like the time she spilled her paint collection all over her bedroom floor, her father's blood sprayed across the hallway carpet, littering the walls and some flecks reaching Emiko's pink cheeks. She stifled a scream. Or did she not hold it back?_

 _She immediately let go of the door, letting it swing open wide as she watched the horror of what was happening in front of her. The ghoul stopped in the middle of its meal to look up into the horrified eyes of a little girl._

 _The ghoul seemed, or at least appeared to Emiko, to be satisfied with his triumph and was about to leave. Resheathing its kagune, it turned to escape back out the window, but not without giving the girl a cold, piercing stare. It was one Emiko would never forget for the rest of her life._

….

"One eye was brown, but the other one was blue," Emiko concluded her story. "I'll never forget its eyes."

To be honest, she had completely forgotten about her session with Juuzou that day, and felt bad that she did not have something better prepared. The white-haired boy, however, didn't seem to mind.

He came in, asking a multitude of questions about her personal life, and although she had a vow to never reveal such information to clients, she decided that day to entertain his queries. Why not. Nothing else had seemed to be working. It was time she had finally uttered her silent sigh of defeat.

If it wasn't her boss making her feel insecure about her job, by piling her plate up till it overflowed and then rebuking her for not getting it done on time, it was working with _that_ boy that truly made her feel incompetent.

One moment she could feel as though she had just made a world of difference in his life, like they were finally getting somewhere. The next moment it could be back to square one.

Working with Juuzou was like trying to tame a tsunami, or a volcano. It simply could not be done. At least not in the time frame his superiors approved of, if ever.

Juuzou gave an impatient huff as he shuffled about his seat in front of her. His eyes were open as wide as golf balls, and he was just about sitting on the edge of his seat the whole time she was telling her story. At her pause, he raised his eyebrows and stood up in his chair, pointing an accusatory finger in her face. "What did you do next?" he demanded.

Emiko looked taken aback. "I guess," she mumbled. "After the incident, I called the police and an ambulance took my father away. He was amazing, you know. He _actually_ survived it, initially. But then, he then died three days later on an operating table," she trailed off.

And that was the _real_ reason why she hated doctors. The reason she refused to see one for a week after a needle soaked in Juuzou's blood had lodged itself crookedly into her left eye at the convenience store. The reason she was diagnosed with hyphema, and had an infection that might take her vision away permanently. The reason she currently hid her bloodshot, swollen eye behind a white, medical eye patch.

She originally thought that her eye just needed some time to heal, that it would take care of itself, on its own if she nursed it properly. Of course, after a few days went by and more and more bloody liquid continued poured out like hot tears, she decided she could not just leave it alone.

" _Emi-chan! Why do you have that thing on your face?"_ Juuzou had asked as soon as he bounded through the door for their session that day.

She had tried to explain to him what his actions had caused her, but he failed to grasp that any of this was his fault in any way, or that it was even a _bad_ thing that had happened to her. His eyes widened when she told him that the needle broke some nerve vessels in her eye, like they did with the story of her father's death. Although, this widening was not in reaction to some sort of sadness or realization of the things he did. It was more of some kind of _interest_ , or _fascination_.

He still had a long way to go.

Somehow, the conversation had shifted over to more personal questions about herself, and Emiko had to utter that sigh and accept his win over her. He would most likely continue to best her at her own game, but Emiko had yet to learn to accept this in its totality.

When Juuzou left at the end of their session that day, Emiko checked her log book to make sure she did not glance over any more meetings before closing up her office for the day. She had to get home soon, or she would go crazy in her cramped office. She might have to reschedule some appointments that week to try to catch up on her paperwork.

When she had walked into work the day after her trip to the ER, her boss had barely grunted a 'hello' let alone a 'what happened' before he plopped a brick-load of files in her arms and shuffled off back to finish his morning coffee in the peace and quietness of his own office.

Of course this was her fate.

Regardless, she had smiled politely like the good, 'yes' girl she was, and went back to her office, eager to get yet another head start on yet another bottomless and never ending stack of work to do.

It wasn't quite nightfall, by the time she returned to her small apartment. A sigh of relief escaped her lips as she kicked off her heels and slid her way into some comfortable slippers. Finding herself unable to move any further however, she stood there, with her back leaned against the door, and collapsed. She didn't know how she was going to be able to regain what little sanity she had left.

After crying for a few minutes, somewhat lethargically, she lazily reached into her purse, still curled up in the entryway, and scrolled through her contact list. She paused when she reached her friend Tsukiko's name.

A smile replaced her constant, pursed-lips expression. She had forgotten she would introduce Juuzou to a friend she knew who owned a certain number of cats. Excited that she might now have some way to try to get through to the difficult boy, she quickly hit the call button.


	5. To Be a True Artist

"Tsukiko-chan, nice to see you again!" said Juuzou as the woman opened up her door to let him and Emiko in.

"Oh, it's my Juuzou-kun!" responded Tsukiko, just as enthusiastically. "I think Shiro is in the back room. She's been missing you!"

Juuzou scuttled off past her, hastily kicking off his shoes before ducking under her arm into her apartment, eager to find his favorite cat. Emiko bowed respectfully to her odd friend.

Tsukiko agreed to with her to meet up with Juuzou about a year ago, and the two have gotten along surprisingly well since. Most likely because they were both awkward, socially-impaired knuckleheads. Tsukiko used to be one of Emiko's clients when the girl's parents (who were both Ghoul Investigators) died. She was never the same since.

Tsukiko was clad in all black, with dyed blue hair this week, and with piercings and tattoos covering most of her body. Lately, she seemed to be into stitching designs onto her skin. Emiko secretly found most of her friend's new fads repulsive, but that was just the way Tsukiko was, and she loved her just the same.

Although her friend Tsukiko was odd, she was seriously one of the nicest people Emiko knew, and she also knew how to handle Juuzou remarkably well. Of course, it helped that Tsukiko also had six cats - Juuzou's favorite animal. Regardless, for all she had done so far with the boy, Emiko would be forever grateful.

"Tsukiko, what's on your skin?" Juuzou asked, stepping into the living room where her and Emiko were sharing coffee and cookies, catching up on old times. He was holding an apathetic Shiro in his arms. That cat always made Emiko laugh. She was fat, lazy and ironically, all black.

"Oh, these?" Tsukiko said, pointing to the weaved designs on her arms and neck. "This is a new body modification art I've found. It's really cool isn't it?" Juuzou instantly knelt down beside her as the two discussed the patterns and designs.

"Can you show me how to do it?" he asked, plopping Shiro on the floor to get a closer look at Tsukiko's body art. That lazy cat only meowed in discontent before sulking away, back to the far room.

"I don't know," she wondered, glancing at Emiko for approval. "It's very high class art work. The work of which only a true body modification aficionado can pull off."

"I swear I'll be a good boy," he tried. He was looking at Tsukiko with wide eyes and hands folded in a way that looked like he was praying. His stance, coupled with the fact he was still kneeling on the floor, was almost cute. If a boy like Juuzou could ever be cute, thought Emiko. Although he had been with the CCG for nearly two years he was still very pale, his hair was still ghostly white, and he looked so malnourished you could confuse him for a skeleton.

Emiko nodded curtly towards Juuzou's request. It wasn't that she really approved of the stuff Tsukiko did, but she had an idea that it might work for Juuzou. She was always trying to think up new ways to get through to him.

"Yippeeeeeee!" he yelled, bouncing up and down around the room before coming to a standstill in front of Tsukiko.

"Sit still or I won't teach you," was all Tsukiko had to say for him to listen. Emiko wished she could be more like her in that way.

Juuzou resumed his position on the floor, watching her every move intently as she demonstrated how to sterilize the needle and thread it through the skin to create different stitch patterns.

If only Juuzou concentrated that hard at the Academy.

Emiko sighed. "You know," she chimed in as the pair were attempting the body stitch together for the first time. "If you do this Juuzou, you can't be cutting, bruising or biting yourself anymore."

The boy had a boat load of anxiety issues, and needed a better way of coping – perhaps this could be constructive. While she would agree that this 'body-stitch' thing wasn't the best way, none of her other options worked for him, and frankly, anything would do at this point. He needed to at least start _trying_ to fit in with the human world.

"That's right Juuzou-kun," added in Tsukiko, catching on to what Emiko was saying. "If you keep doing that, then the stitching won't look as beautiful. Then you won't be a true artist."

"I'll be a true artist!" said Juuzou, a determined look flashing in his eyes. Emiko smiled.

When the two got back to the CCG main office, they met Shinohara in the lobby. Emiko laughed out loud when the investigator almost dropped dead when Juuzou began showing off his 'body-stitching', but relaxed when he realized it wasn't permanent. Typical dad move.

"You know," said Shinohara when Juuzou skipped off to the bathroom before they were to head back to the Academy. "The boy is getting older."

"Yes," said Emiko. "He'll grow into a fine man."

"But…"

"Hmm?"

"It's just… the boy should be hitting puberty or something soon, right?"

Emiko chuckled. "Am I really the one you should be talking to about puberty?"

"No! Not like that, I just… He's still pretty frail-looking."

"And?"

"I don't know… don't you think he should… be on a steroid shot or something?"

Emiko nodded slowly. Even though the boy was a teenager already, his body type was almost that of a young girl.

"I've thought about that too, but decided against it," she responded.

"Hmm?"

"I'm not allowed to give away classified information…" she said. Although, Juuzou wasn't really her official patient, since her jurisdiction is with Ghoul Investigators and not Academy students. She reasoned with herself. "I guess I can say a few things to you, since you're his sensei," she began.

"I've decided hormone supplements weren't necessary for his psyche, since his low levels of testosterone don't seem to hinder him at all, physically or mentally. He's great with working with what he has.

"Besides, just because he is small and not very bulky doesn't mean he isn't strong. He might even be able to take me out," she added cheekily, even though she _knew_ he could. Even with her black belt, several inches and at least thirty pounds she had on him, he was much stronger than she could ever hope to become.

"Also, I didn't know how puberty would work given his _condition_. I've decided to leave that part up to his medical doctors.

"Condition?"

She glanced up at him, wondering if he knew or not. Most likely not, it's not like Academy instructors are given full medical records of their students.

"If you don't know _that_ , then I'm not authorized to tell you."

Shinohara looked pensive. "I understand," he said quietly as Juuzou came skipping back out of the bathroom.

"Well, ready to head out?"

"Yes Shinohara-san!" he said, saluting in a comedic way. "Bye-bye Emi-chan!"

As she waved good-bye she was reminded of the past year spent with the boy. Although she had taught him many things, she had learned many things about herself from him as well. No matter how hard life was for her, Juuzou was always there to give her a nice slice of humility – she was not the only one with a life ruined by ghouls.

She reached up and adjusted the eyepatch over her left eye. Since that incident at the convenience store, she was left mostly blind in that eye. Juuzou still had absolutely no concept of morality, so he did not seem to care or even say sorry.

But an apology wasn't really what she needed from him. After all, it wasn't his fault he _couldn't_ feel sorry or even act like a proper human being. It wasn't his fault he had numerous anxiety and schizophrenic disorders, torn-up and irreparable muscle fibers, and had suffered _that_ which made him appear so feminine and tore him up everyday inside - every time he went to the bathroom. Or did he even think about it anymore?

Most likely, he was trying to forget, which made Emiko sympathize with him every time she heard about him assaulting a CCG worker or civilian who dared to make fun of him. People were really horrible sometimes.

It's the fault of the _ghouls_ , she thought, and once Juuzou becomes a Ghoul Investigator, the whole world better watch out.


	6. Black and White

Emiko startled awake, cold sweat covering her body head to toe. A cold knife held tightly in her grasp. Ever since her father died when she was eight, she always slept with a knife. Really, it would be no use against a ghoul attack, but it still brought comfort whenever she had to sleep alone. That, coupled with judo classes would hopefully keep her alive long enough to call the emergency number Shinohara had given her. At least that's what she hoped.

Shakily, Emiko crawled out of bed and jumped the five steps it took to get to the small kitchen. It was three in the morning, but there was no hope of getting back to sleep now, even if Emiko wanted to. A glance out the window affirmed the fears lurking deep in her heart. Whenever it was a black moon, her dreams were always replaced by nightmares. The cold tickling up her spine as though being watched. The only color in her black and white dreams were the two different colored eyes peering through the dark space where the moon used to be in the sky. Her father's blank expression looking up from her trembling arms, and the guilt of not being able to do anything, of being frozen in fear in her bedroom.

The coffee pot hummed to life as Emiko flipped the switch before walking over to shut the blinds, sounding like some sort of melody to the silent night. Since sleep was no longer an option, she may as well work on some case files until it was time to leave for work. She was meeting up with Juuzou later that evening, and wanted to get a head start.

Later in the evening, that boy peaked his head into her office. "Emi-chan!" the boy called, in the same way he always did from the doorway whenever they had a session together. A glance at the plastic clock above the door told her it was a few minutes early for their appointment. A sigh escaped her lips.

"Come on and sit down." They had a lot to get through that day.

Juuzou strode into the room and plopped down in his favorite spinning chair and began twirling around in circles like he usually did. "What are we going to do today?" he asked.

"I wanted to talk with you about the Academy. How is it going? I heard you got a pretty good grade in one of your classes. What was it?" By pretty good, she meant not failing.

"Yeah, I did!" he exclaimed, so excited he stopped spinning himself in the chair to get a closer look at the pride showing on her face. He reached out and placed his arms clumsily across the table, leaning forward till he was at the very edge of the chair.

In her office he was allowed to fidget freely, without any sanctions on movements. He seemed much more attentive when he was squirming around anyways. Sometimes, it was a bit odd though. Occasionally, he liked to sit at the top of the bookshelves that lined the walls and they would conduct their session like that. Only once did the whole thing come toppling over, but he was a very good sport about helping clean it all up afterwards.

"It was in physical education."

Emiko nodded in approval. Although it wasn't an academic subject, the boy needed his health.

"And that's not all that's happening in school, is it?" asked Emiko, somewhat more gravely. She heard some rumours from the school - nasty ones - and all of them pointed towards Juuzou as the culprit. Although, with the gentle way he seemed around animals, the allegations seemed almost unbelievable.

"School? Maybe. Why?" Juuzou scrunched up his eyebrows.

"Have you noticed anything strange happening with the cats and dogs around the Junior Academy?"

Emiko instantly regretted her words because before the question was finished, she could see him start to shut down.

"Yeah. There's a lot of dead animals everywhere." His eyes were directed lazily at the ceiling, as though his thoughts were somewhere lost in the clouds painted there.

"How do you feel about that?"

Juuzou's shoulders lifted high. "They're not as much fun to play with when they're dead."

Luckily, Emiko was long since used to the boy's shocking way of phrasing things and didn't find his comment that horrifying. "And do you know _why_ so many of these dead animals are showing up around the Academy grounds?"

Juuzou didn't skip a beat. "Everyone says that I killed them," he said flatly. He directed his gaze down from the cloud-littered ceiling to stare directly into her one, good eye. Emiko met his cold gaze.

"What do _you_ think about that? What do you think about the people blaming you?"

Juuzou dropped his gaze and leaned back over her desk, arms covering up the paperwork there. Their whole professional relationship could be summarized by their unspoken wins and loses over one another. Most of the time it was Juuzou who won, but Emiko recognized his current body language as a nonvocal sign of surrender, signaling that he rather not fight her on this one.

"I don't blame them for blaming me," he grumbled quietly. "Nobody ever really wants to talk or play with me for too long." And there was the meat of the problem.

Forgetting his silent concession to letting her know all she wanted about the dead cats and dogs, Emiko changed the subject. "Haven't you found any friends yet?" she asked in a much more accusatory way.

Juuzou slowly lifted his head up off of her desk just enough to look at her squarely in the face. "You're annoying."

 _Back to square one. Teetering along the outside rim of the 'caution tape' around Juuzou's mind._

She had seen this behavior before and it was dangerous. To a normal civilian he might have lashed out at this point, but they had sustained a long enough relationship that she could push his buttons a little without suffering any consequences. A little.

"Well if you don't want to say anything about it, then you can just sit there, silent, the whole time while I work on other case files," she said attempting to irk his focus back into the session. Luckily, it worked.

After a few minutes of her boycott, he got off the desk and began to spin the chair wildly around the carpeted square of the room, as though he were a child throwing a temper tantrum, and wanting his mother to start paying attention to him again.

"I didn't kill the cats, ok?" he said rather loudly when it wasn't looking like she was going to look up at him from her work any time soon. At this though, she consented to glance up from the desk.

"You didn't, did you? I didn't think you did."

Juuzou gave her another look of defeat. It was as if he was caught between wanting attention, and wanting to be left alone.

He shook his head gravely, once again coming to a standstill with his chair.

"Why is it, do you think, people are blaming you?"

He shrugged his shoulders, and as if settling the matter he said, "Because people blame me for things."

"That's not very good of them to do," Emiko offered, but Juuzou only shrugged his shoulders again and resumed his chair spinning. It began to make her dizzy just watching him.

She decided to be silent for a bit to let him process their discussion. After a while, he spoke up again.

"Everyone is really scared when they see those animals strung up."

"What do _you_ feel when you see them?"

A frown fell upon the boy's face. "Nothing," he remarked plainly.

For some reason, these words shocked Emiko more than if he had told her that it _was_ him who was killing the animals.

 _Sociopath._

This thought flashed briefly in Emiko's mind, but she tried desperately to push it out. Sociopaths _couldn't_ feel emotion. Juuzou just didn't know _how_ to feel them. These past couple years she had been trying to tell herself that. That somehow through her methods, he could one day begin to act like a normal person. But so far, all she had succeeded in doing was limiting the amount of violent behaviors he enacted on himself. Was there anything more that could be done?

"Do you think _that_ is why people blame you?" she asked coldly. "Because they feel sad or scared, and you don't feel anything."

He shrugged his shoulders.

"What do you think about, in your head, when you see the dead animals?"

He shrugged again. He was getting quite the arm work out today.

"What do you think about when you see the other kids in your class react to them?

When he shrugged again she realized that this battle could not be won anymore.

"There is this one girl in my class I've been talking to," he said suddenly. Emiko perked up slightly, but refrained from prodding him with anymore questions.

"She says hi to me every day, even when the other kids don't."

Emiko hoped that Juuzou didn't mess things up with this person. From the stories he told her, it became apparent that most kids in the Junior Academy were in fact, nice and friendly enough. It sounded a lot more like _he_ was the one who didn't care to be friends with anyone, rather than that nobody wanted to be friends with him. There was something that he didn't mind in this person, and Emiko wanted to analyze that.

"What is she like?" she asked after a while of watching him spin. The wheels were squeaking loudly as he continued to push himself around and around on the chair, like nails on a chalkboard, and she wished he would stop.

"She's really nice. She's nice to most everyone in my class," he explained. Suddenly in answer to her prayers, he rushed to the board and began to draw on it. The sound of the marker squeaking on the whiteboard replaced the incessant sound of the wheels spinning, and Emiko didn't know which one she liked better. "Her name's Shizuku," he continued. "Whenever I decide to come to class, she always asks me how my day was."

Somehow, it wasn't the 'whenever I decide to come to class' jab he took that surprised Emiko, but the simplicity in which this schoolgirl was described that made her wonder. This person didn't seem remarkably kind nor mean in any way, but only seemed to be putting on a display of proper human etiquette. What was the world coming to that he thought this Junior Academy girl was an exemplar of kindness?

It was the next thing he said that stopped her. He always succeeded in instilling in her both confusion and shock. Words that sent more shivers down her spine than the nightmares that plagued her sleep.

"I wonder what Shizuku's insides look like?" he asked, giggling wickedly.

Emiko dropped her case file to the ground and stood up, kicking her seat forcefully behind her. Sometimes she just wanted to shake some feeling into him!

And then she noticed his drawing on the board.

Juuzou's artwork was like a window into his mind, from where she could actually _try_ to understand him.

On the board was the completed image of a dead cat strung up on a tree branch, blood and guts pouring out onto the earth below.

 _He was thinking about the dead animals._ She thought. It was _her_ that then made him think about the girl. Somehow, she was able to see his dark and twisted train of thought that appeared so much like tangled spaghetti.

"Normally, when people think such things, they don't say them outloud," she said sighing, and even forcing a little smile. It scared her that she was so quick to think the worst of him.

Another glance at the clock told her that they had exhausted that topic quite enough. "Anyway, let's move on. There's some other stuff I want to get through today."

* * *

The tears from Tsukiko's eyes drenched her left shoulder-pad. It was obviously a bad time to visit. Emiko, her friend and Juuzou were currently on the curb outside of Tsukiko's apartment complex, staring at the tragedy before them. What had unfolded moments prior was Shiro, Tsukiko's fat black cat had wandered outside like it normally did on cool spring days. This day however, something went horribly wrong.

Through Tsukiko's sobs, it was gathered that her neighbours had bought a new dog and it got loose earlier that afternoon. It found Shiro.

Emiko was trying to beckon her hysterical friend back into her apartment, and keep her eyes from seeing Shiro's mangled body, lying limp in the middle of the street, with organs and fur strewn about in a tangled mess. It was the worst way to lose a pet.

As soon Tsukiko was directed away from the street corner, her and Juuzou made their way back out to clean up the mess. It was a horrible thing for Tsukiko to stumble upon her dead cat, but would be somewhat of a mockery to have her clean it up too. Emiko didn't have the stomach for it, but the boy didn't mind.

" _I wonder what Shizuku's insides look like?" he asked, giggling wickedly._

Emiko remembered the boy's words from a few months ago and shuttered. She watched him happily picked up the broken pieces of cat, whistling a whimsical tune she hadn't heard before. Something wasn't right with this picture. The image in the middle of the empty street that revolted Emiko, Juuzou embraced. The things that shook her, he laughed at.

"It's sad Shiro is dead," she commented, trying to pull away her eyes. It was more of a command then a statement though.

Juuzou ignored her and instead stood up, hands sticky with Shiro's cold blood. He refused to wear the gloves Emiko insisted on.

Then, just as the sun made its way over the horizon, he then did the most vile act anybody could have ever done in that situation. Emiko didn't have the words to describe the horror she felt at watching the scene take place. Immediately, she vomited.

She was at a loss for what to do. Blood and guts from the cat began to pour everywhere, landing on her cheeks and hair, mingling with her tears.

"Stop!" she screamed. "Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!" she covered her hands over her ears and kept screaming for eternity, eyes clamped shut and knees pressed against the gravel. Flashes of her father's death came to mind. _Monster_.

Her eyes fluttered open after an unknown period of time to see that the light from the sun had quickly died from the evening. Juuzou was standing just a few feet away now, with eyes wide open and an innocent smile on his blood-streaked face.

She thought, if she was Shinohara, she might have had the strength to stop him by force.

"Why are you yelling at me Emi-chan?"

Had she been screaming the entire time? If she was able to help him more, he wouldn't be such a lunatic. Such a monster.

"You told me it wasn't good to yell in public," he reprimanded lightly, falling down on to the pavement beside her. Though to comfort or out of fatigue, it was uncertain.

"There's a lot of things you just did that I told you not to do in public," she whispered, refusing to get up from kneeling on the ground where she had just been sick. The hard gravel would no doubt have etched little grooves on her legs by then, cutting into her skin, but she didn't care.

Juuzou looked confused in an odd way that reminded her of a red rose with thorns. Silky and unassuming, but also course and dangerous. Immediately he dropped the empty leftover carcass of the cat he was just scrambling up.

"I just wanted to know if Shiro was white on the inside," he said, as if that explained everything.

But in a way, it did. In the horrifying and crippling paradox of Juuzou's life, she thought, it did explain everything.

"And what did you find?" she asked as she shakily got on her feet, Juuzou letting her use his arm to steady herself.

"It wasn't white," he said. "But red."

"Not all things are black and white," she commented, but he didn't understand what she meant. She supposed, she should stop trying to judge Juuzou by her own standards.

"Anyway, you made an even bigger mess so you'll have to help me clean this up again."


	7. A Festival of Colors

Emiko laughed as a firework shot off from the back of a truck and zoomed through the air, causing Juuzou to clamp his arms over his ears and huddle down protectively on the ground. For a split second, nervous sank in that he might slip into what she liked to call his 'raw mode' - when he shut down and lost control. Fortunately he composed himself quickly, and she resumed her laughter. He shot her a dirty look, but it was light-hearted. Somehow over the years, they had learned to joke and laugh with each other.

It was currently fall, on the edge of winter, and there was a festival happening in the downtown region. Having some time off work, she made a deal with Shinohara that she would take the boy off his hands for the weekend. It would give her the opportunity to show off some cultural events, but also to get the boy out of the house. Not to mention, it would give Shinohara some quality time to spend with his new wife, who they just found out was pregnant.

"Come on!" she said, beckoning to him once he picked himself off the ground and was staring in wonder at the explosion of colors erupting into the evening sky. "I'll buy you some dango!" Luckily, the rest of the festival went by smoothly, at least until the parade.

Although Emiko was prohibited from developing personal relationships with her clients, as always she made special exceptions for Juuzou. There was nothing quite that professional about their relationship to begin with, anyway.

"Emi-chan?" he asked suddenly as they were making their way over to the parade that was forming at the end of the street. The sidewalks were crowded and the fall air was filled with the sticky scent of confectionaries mingled with gunpowder. Every once in awhile, a firework would explode overhead, causing an eruption of 'oohs' and ahhs' from the crowds below.

"Mhmm?" she asked.

"Why are you wearing that eye patch?"

It was more of a statement than a question, and one that he asked frequently enough to already know the answer to. Emiko just figured that asking a barrage of the same questions was his way of processing what had already happened, although he still did not make a move to say anything else about it.

"Because I'm partially blind in that eye," she explained, repeating calmly the phrase she always said when asked. That eye was now glazed over by a cataract, and it never looked in quite the same direction as the other one. Little children pushed excitedly passed their legs to run towards the parade, but Juuzou didn't seem to mind their carelessness.

A quiet grunt was all he uttered in reply.

"A girl died in my class yesterday."

Emiko kept her stride, not picking up her pace nor pausing at all. For some reason, Juuzou was always more open whenever she wasn't prying him with questions. She kept silence.

"It was Shizuku."

Emiko racked her brain, trying to sift through all of the names of classmates Juuzou had told her about. _Was that his teacher? No. The girl who helped him with his math homework? Couldn't be. One of the twins in his class? Nope._

"She was sick for a long time."

In a final 'aha' moment, she realized it was the classmate who said hi to Juuzou everyday, the girl he thought was nice. It was too bad she died, Emiko hoped the girl might become Juuzou's first school friend.

They were just nearing the edge of the street, but were stopped by the edge of the thickening crowd. She pretended to be watching the parade go by, with all the floats and dancers, waving lights and playing instruments all around in traditional style.

Juuzou's face looked crumpled in deep thought as he absently watched the drummers go by. The sound was almost deafening, so it gave time to ponder.

"What do you think about her death?" Emiko asked casually as the drummers made way for the dancers. She hoped against her better judgment that his response would be different than the time he told her he felt _nothing_ at the death of the animals that were found around the Academy.

Unusually, he responded rather quickly. "I've killed lots of people."

Piercing stares from the surrounding people crowded around them darted back and forth, all unwilling to make eye contact. Pretty soon, a wide space cleared about the odd pair, as people began to notice and feel uncomfortable with Juuzou's appearance and conversation. Emiko, like the white-haired boy, didn't respond to them.

"I've killed lots of people," he repeated. "I watched them all die. Sometimes they talked to me. Sometimes they…" he trailed off. He didn't sound cold, nor happy about what he did, but there was a bit of uncertainty in his voice - the first time that Emiko felt like he was actually trying to work through his problems.

There was a period of silence where Emiko dared not move, or even breath, but only hope. The last time he willingly gave up this much information about his past was that day in the car, right after he stuck her eye with a sewing needle.

The float went by and another came, with even more dancers and musicians. Then the next. She chanced a peek at the boy's face, to try and read his expression, but he only wore a contemplative frown.

"I didn't kill those cats and dogs at the Academy," he confessed, as though she might still be doubting. "And I didn't kill Shizuku either," he said, settling the matter.

This time, Emiko looked at him. "I believe you," she said, mustering up a smile.

Instantly, the boy's jaw dropped and he took off, pushing aggressively past the people who were blocking him in, and running the direction they just came like a wild man.

"Not again," she muttered. Although this time, she knew better than to run after him. Instead, she walked over to the dango stand they were just at that was currently shut down for the parade, figuring he would have to run by there eventually. Sometimes, Juuzou went a little crazy, and when that happened it was important to give him his space.

About an hour later, long after the sun died down beyond the horizon, and just before the last groups of people had filed out of the nearly vacant streets, Juuzou finally showed up - a dark silhouette behind an empty background. But Emiko wasn't worried. He always came back, even if it took a long time.

He came up to her silently and even though it was dark, she could clearly see the blood soaking his sleeves and trailing down his arms and legs. It was then that she understood a big part of the reason for his self-harming behaviors had to be so that he didn't do them to people who didn't deserve them.

"Are you ready to go home now? You'll have to take a shower when we get back, you're all dirty."

Juuzou smiled as she stood up from her spot leaning against the stand. It was late.

"I'm getting sleepy."

"We had a long day," she agreed, lending him her jacket. The two padded back to the car and left the festival in silence.

When they arrived at Emiko's apartment, she directed him to the bathroom while she began to prep for dinner. When she didn't hear the water turn on for a good fifteen minutes though, she decided to do some investigating.

She knocked three times on the door, and each time a hollow sound reverberated back out at her. "All you alright in there?" But there was no response. Now, she was beginning to worry. Jiggling the handle, she found it unlocked, and so she dared a peek inside, peering in with her good eye.

"Juuzou?" she whispered into the dark room. A muffled noise from the bathtub told her that he was there. Immediately, she turned on the lights. The boy was lying in the middle of the tub, fully clothed and staring aimlessly at the ceiling. He didn't even flinch when the fluorescent lighting filled the room.

"Your bathroom is so _white_ Emi-chan," he remarked absently as she walked in to sit beside him on the toilet. She looked around. It _used_ to be white, at least before Juuzou dragged in all the mud and blood stains that were now lining the floor and walls.

"Just like your hair," she said, mostly thinking out loud. His hair was a brilliant white, but currently was lowlighted with blood, like the rest of the porcelain in her restroom. She would have to do some major cleaning when he left.

He looked curiously at her. "I don't like showers."

"But I can't let you stain my house red."

"I could sleep in the tub?"

"That won't do."

She hesitated for a moment, deciding what to do next. For a split second, she thought about helping him get ready, but then remembered that he didn't like to be touched. More so, he had to be at least sixteen now, and she didn't think it would be appropriate at his age.

"If you shower, I'll bake you some treats." She knew it was an offer he could not refuse, and watched happily as he scurried to stand up and made a move to peel off his soaked clothes.

"Emi-chan," he said, brow ruffled and lips pursed as he paused, mid - taking off his shirt. "You can't be in here when I shower."

Emiko's face immediately turned red at the implication. "Wha - I was going to - Err." It was no use. Angrily, she stood up and stomped over to the door. The sound of Juuzou's laughter from the bathroom was quickly drowned out from the hot water being turned on.

A half hour later Juuzou came out of the shower to find Emiko sitting on the sofa watching TV, with a cake sitting temptingly on the coffee table in front of her. The lights were dim, but he could see two plates sitting out, one for him and one for her. He immediately sat down next to one and waited impatiently to be served.

"How do you like Shinohara's wife?" Emiko asked, making light conversation.

"She's nice," he said, between mouthfulls of cake. "She always gives me treats like you do!" Emiko smirked.

Secretly she wanted to go back to their previous conversation about his dead classmate, but didn't know how to bring it up. Luckily, Juuzou seemed to read her mind.

"Shizuku used to bake me treats sometimes, too" he said, pondering over his cake.

"Do you miss her?" she asked. When he only shrugged, she silently cursed herself, making a vow to not ask him any more prying questions outside of their sessions.

Her silence was brought to fruition.

"I think," he said after a while. "That her death doesn't matter." He finished his first piece of cake and began on the second.

Emiko sat silent, completely tuning out the monotonous drone of the television.

"Everyone thinks that being dead is somehow different from any other activity."

She clutched her hands tightly together.

"If someone is cooking, we don't get sad. If someone is playing we don't get sad."

She glanced about the room, tugging at her hair.

"So why do people get sad when others die?" He stabbed his fork into his cake violently, hitting the plastic plate below, causing a scraping sound to reverberate throughout the room. "Dying isn't any different, ok!" he screamed at her.

Emiko took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. _He doesn't know_ , she thought to herself. _It's a coping mechanism_. Thoughts of her father kept creeping up in her mind, making her forget and nearly making her cry. Was she supposed to just accept the fact that he was dead as just some activity like cooking or baking?

She shook her head and looked over at him, trying to figure out, trying to analyze, and trying to push out images of her dying father in the hallway. "You killed a lot of people," she whispered to herself. It _must_ make sense, she told herself. _He killed people._ It must some sort of coping mechanism. If dying isn't any different than playing or cooking, it makes it easier to kill people - easier to watch them die. If dying _is_ different, then to him, what he did before was murder.

"Exactly," he said, calming down himself. "There isn't a difference." In a twisted way, she could understand, but it did not make sense. She put down her fork, losing her appetite.

"Sometimes, when you lose someone who is important to you," she began slowly. She desperately wanted to make him understand. "You feel sad. You miss them because you don't get to play with them anymore. You get sad because you loved them and they aren't there anymore."

Juuzou bristled. "You don't have to stop loving them. And if you get sad, you can just play with someone else."

She stopped. She didn't know how to make him understand! But then, maybe she didn't need to, she thought. In time, he would come to understand the meaning of her words, one way or another. Everyone had to learn that lesson eventually - the death of someone close to them.

With her blessing, he began to eat her own unfinished slice of cake. "I had a friend before, you know," he said. "He was living with the ghouls before me, but he died a few years before I met Shinohara."

Emiko's jaw dropped. Her blood chilled, feeling like ice in her veins. _Another human? With the ghouls?_

"He was my friend, but I killed him."

"What was his name?" she asked, too quietly.

"He was nice to me, but Mama said I had to do it."

"What was his name Juuzou?!" she shouted. He jumped a little.

"I don't know," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

Emiko clenched her fists. _How can he not know? Does he not understand the magnitude and gravity of this confession? There was an undocumented person living with ghouls!_ There was a certain ferocity in her eyes that Juuzou was at a loss for what to say next.

"I told you I don't know! Everyone always called him something different every day."

 _How does he not know? Does he… seriously not care about the people in his life?_ Furious, she got up and stormed into her bedroom. She had quite enough of Juuzou for the day. Before slamming her door for the night, she threw some blankets on the edge of the couch, not even bothering to say goodnight to him.

The whole night she spent dwelling on the possibility that perhaps Juuzou was indeed a psychotic wild child - a tainted serial killer - and that there was, in fact, _nothing_ that she could do to help him. All of her frustrations poured out with the single blink of an eye.

 _Those animals from the Junior Academy? It probably was him who killed them. Shizuku's death? He was probably sad he didn't get to see her insides. Her partially blinded eye? He probably didn't care at all. That cat Shiro he killed? He was probably disappointed that it wasn't white on the inside._ In that instance, she doubted _anything_ she ever learned from him, and anything she ever analyzed or thought she knew about him.

In the morning when Shinohara came to pick him up, she would tell him that there was nothing more that she could do. He would be branded as insane and thrown in an institution where he belonged. This decision gave her much peace, and she was able to finally fall asleep.

Her dreams, however, made her wish she had stayed awake. She was being haunted by ghostly white figures who sulked around her apartment, waiting for her to come out of her room so that they could eat her and her father who were huddled in safety in the closet. Then, it was Juuzou, the king of the ghosts (or were they ghouls?) who burst through her door to stab her father through the heart as her alarm went off, blaring in her ears with its incessant honking.

She ripped the cord from the wall violently and tossed the clock across the room, before she remembered that she had a guest sleeping in her living room. Quietly she tiptoed out into the hall, only to find the boy still sitting on the floor where she left him that night, the roll of blankets still lying in a heap at the end of the couch, and cake completely gone. She wondered if he even slept, but then quickly decided that she did not care.

It was about seven in the morning, and the loud rumbling growling loudly in the pit of her stomach reminded her of her need for food. Crossing over to the kitchen, she peered down at Juuzou who was working, hunched over something on the coffee table. He didn't even look up when she walked into the room, so she decided a morning greeting wasn't necessary. She would make them breakfast, then promptly turn him over to Shinohara, even if she had to drive him there herself.

She clicked on the stove top and reached into the fridge, the artificial light temporarily blinding her one good eye. As she turned around to go back to the counter, she nearly dropped the milk and eggs she was carrying to find her guest standing just inches away from her. For some reason, it was at that moment she noticed he was the same height as her, as his eyes were exactly level with hers. It was odd that it was something she had never noticed before, but also, that she was thinking about such frivolous things at that moment.

He lifted up a piece of computer paper, no doubt one that he stole from the printer kept in the spare bedroom she used as a study. On the page was a well-drawn, detailed youth with multiple stab wounds in his chest, drawn in crayon.

Still emerging from her stoicism from the night before, Emiko had to stop herself from laughing out loud. "What am I supposed to do with this?" she asked. He reminded her of a toddler bringing his mother a picture he just drew. Did he want her to tape it on the _fridge_?

"You were interested in my friend last night," he grumbled. "I couldn't tell you his name, so I drew you a picture of him. So you won't be mad at me anymore."

Emiko had a thought as she began to pour the milk into a mixing bowl with some eggs and whisk them together rapidly. At least, he could tell when she was angry. That was something she didn't think he had the capacity for. "Do you think you could draw me a picture of his face? Without any blood on it?" A smile spread across Juuzou's lips and he nodded vigorously, something like an artist's expression glowing on his face.

Flipping the paper over, he began to draw his next masterpiece portrait. Something like hope began to well up in Emiko's heart as she watched him, scrambling the eggs together in a pan with some rice. _Maybe, this boy wasn't all bad_. She shook her head. Nothing he could do now would stop her from resigning from his case. It was over.

As she set the table, her guest finished up with his drawing. "Look Emi-chan!" he said, holding the paper up to her.

One glance at did much to melt her hardened heart. It was in fact, a beautiful and well detailed portrait, almost as realistic as a photograph, but she was used to such A grade art from him already. She would turn it in with her report as soon as she got into the office the next day. The thing that caught her off guard however, was that the dead stranger whose name she did not know, was next to a smiling Juuzou. The two were holding hands, and they appeared to be at some sort of festival together, much like the one Emiko took Juuzou to the other day.

"You two looked happy," she said.

"Emi-chan, we still _are_ happy!"

Emiko clutched the paper tightly in her grasp, trying not to cry. "Juuzou?" she asked, although this time, it wasn't a question trying to analyze or decipher. She honestly wanted to know his answer to her question. Juuzou could sense a shift in her attitude, and for the first time, listened intently.

"Do you think that your friend... could ever forgive you? For killing him?" She was thinking of her father again. Although she knew it was stupid to blame herself for his death, she had always blamed herself anyway for not being able to do more to protect him. For instead, being a coward and hiding in her room. For staring in silent horror as his broken body was feasted upon by a monster.

Juuzou ruffled his brow, but to her relief, didn't just shrug his shoulders and leave it at that. He appeared to be _thinking_.

"I don't know why he _would_ be mad at me in the first place, Emi-chan. He's my friend after all. I wouldn't be mad if it was him who killed me." Juuzou thought back to that night. He would be the first to admit that he didn't really want to kill his best friend. But an order was an order, and so he had to. There was no hard feelings. No deep regrets. His friend waited patiently in the arena and smiled at him, not even putting up a fight.

"Do it Rei," his friend had said to him when his hand hesitated, the vacant smile his nameless friend always wore, still on his face. "Always follow orders." Those were the last words he said to him. His Mama had tried to break him by taking away the thing most important to him. And it worked.

After he had sliced his friend open, he never felt any more emotions after that, until feelings were just a distant memory of a past pain, something he never remembered having. That part of him was dead, and the only part of him left that felt any happiness were the sensations he got when he was killing or destroying. Those were his only real comfort. Those, and sweets.

"You're right," said Emiko, pondering over his simple words. She wouldn't have blamed her father if it was him hiding in his bedroom while she fought the ghoul. "Your friend would want what's best for you." Her own words rang in her ears. "Let's eat breakfast."

As the two ate together, Emiko resolved to not tell _anybody_ about her moment of weakness the night before. She would have to keep on with Juuzou's case. There was no way she could back out now. He was a person, even if he _was_ crazy, and she would not let Shinohara down.

The weekend they spent together had made her come to see they were actually a lot alike, but only when she stopped trying to fix him. It was true she didn't understand this boy's inner world, but she would now stop trying to. If he was not a person who could be fixed so easily, then she would only be there for him as a friend. She would stop trying to pry into his life but only _listen_ , when he needed to talk. She would be his silent model of human kindness and behavior, and when he was ready to learn about the world, she would ready to teach. He seemed to learn more _that_ way than when she was playing 'psychoanalyst' anyway.

All those horrible things she had thought and doubted about him the night before may or may not have been true. It didn't matter. All she knew, was that a typhoon could not be categorized, analysed and therefore fixed, and neither could Juuzou - or herself for that matter - be. What she _could_ do, was be there to help him pick up the pieces, because in his own way, he would be there for her.


	8. Lucky Number 13

"Emi-chan!" yelled a familiar voice from outside Emiko's new office door, reverberating like a gong shattering the previous stillness. Since it was a relatively quiet morning at her office, she twitched slightly at the sound of her name being shouted so suddenly.

A look to the doorway told her that it was Juuzou Suzuya, the patient she had been seeing for a few years now standing there and smiling stupidly from the doorway. For a long while now they still visited regularly, on and off, although now less frequently.

"Koen-san, how are you?"

"Oh?" she replied to Shinohara, raising an eyebrow at her former sensei. "What's with the formality?"

"Err, you know, I just..." he trailed off. "Now you're a fully-fledged shrink, aren't you?" He pointed at the new plaque on her desk with her name on it, glittering in brilliant gold letters.

Emiko turned her nose at him in a playful way. Still her same old Shinohara. "I've received a promotion now, yes. But I'm a Psychotherapist, not a 'shrink.'"

"Well congratulations," he said with one of his big smiles that could light up a whole room.

"Thank you," she said. The pair then proceeded to poke around her new, upgraded office space in the thirteenth ward, making themselves at home. "So... what brings you both here? I didn't think I had an appointment scheduled with Suzuya today?" She glanced over her agenda once more, just to be sure. It would not be the first time she had forgotten a meeting.

"Actually, we've come to share some good news of our own."

"Oh?" she asked. An eyebrow raised as the two stood in front of her with wide, stupid grins on their faces.

"Juuzou, you tell her. It's your big news after all!"

The boy looked over to her with large, expectant eyes. "Well, you know how I didn't do well at the Academy, right?" Emiko nodded her head. Pretty much as to be expected. As long as the youthful 19 year old tried his best however, that was all that counted, and luckily he never dwelt on his barely passable grades too badly. "Well guess what? The CCG just accepted me as a Rank 3 Ghoul Investigator anyway!"

"Really? Wow! Congratulations to you, Juuzou-kun," she said praising him. She wouldn't tell him that her and Shinohara had been trying their best to pull strings with the higher ups, even though the boy might have already known about their efforts. He was something of a special case after all. The boy needed some direction in his life, and the only place that could possibly accept him was the CCG. "Although, I guess it's now Special Class Shinohara-san and Rank 3 Suzuya-san," she said, noting Shinohara's promotion a few months ago as well.

He gave her a wide smile, parting his thin lips that were lined with red stitches. "That's right, and I'll even be on Shinohara's team!"

Emiko had to stifle a laugh. Shinohara's heart was too big - heavens knows she could never do all the things he did out of pure kindness. "You better be respectful to your superior, now," she said. "Oh and that's right, I have a present for you!"

"Present?" echoed back Juuzou, wondering what it could be. He had never received a present before, except from Shinohara, but heard that if someone gave one to you, you should always accept it. Emiko took a moment to rustle in her new desk drawers before pulling out a small box wrapped with a silver bow. Juuzou took it gently in his hands and examined it closely. Emiko decided on buying him a gift anyway, even if their efforts had failed and he wasn't accepted into the CCG. The gift box had been lying in her desk drawer for the past two months, waiting to be received.

"Thank you very much for this gift," Juuzou said after a few moments of inspecting the outer wrappings thoroughly. He bowed down low like Shinohara taught him. But maybe a bit too low.

She laughed. "No silly, the present is inside the box. You have to open it!" He looked curious as he followed her instructions, eyes wide and unassuming. They must have widened to the size of golf balls however, when he saw the little present sitting in the center of the box. It was a shining silver chain, with the number 13 hanging on it. "This is a 'congratulations on becoming a Ghoul Investigator' present. I had it custom made just for you, so you can remember me by it, waiting here in the 13th ward for you and always wishing you the best." Juuzou's wrinkled face was deep in thought, but Emiko didn't take offence by it. "I guess in America," she continued, "The number 13 is unlucky. So I guess I figured this could mean that you write your own future. If you wear it on your first mission, I'm sure it will bring good luck and great success."

For a second, Juuzou had an unreadable expression on his face. His eyes were blank and looked very far away. His face was surprise, but also contentment; sadness, but also happiness. A whole well of emotions sank deep into his face, but most of all, uncertainty. "Can I help you put it on?"

He nodded slowly, still trying to process his plethora of emotions.

She gently picked it up out of his hands and stood behind him, brushing his messy hair off to the side as she clipped the chain around his neck. This was all done very slowly and deliberately, as she knew Juuzou rarely ever let people touch him. Even Shinohara gave a look as he watched this all go down, as if trying to read his new subordinate's expression as well.

"It looks great on you," she said to him, smiling as she stood back to admire it. Afterwards there was a heavy silence in the room, as if somebody had pressed mute on their cheerful celebration.

"Th-thank you... Koen-san," said Juuzou after a while, quietly breaking the mould. "I swear I'll wear it all the time!"

She frowned. "That's no good - you can always call me Emi, ok?"

Suzuya tilted his head to the side. "Alright." They exchanged smiles.

"I'm afraid it's time to go now," chimed in Shinohara. "I know we just got here, but we are on our way to the branch office. We only wanted to stop by quickly to congratulate you and share Juuzou's good news. In fact this whole stop was his idea."

Emiko couldn't help but feel a warmness in her heart as she waved the two goodbye. It had been a long road, between her and Juuzou. There was a lot of blood, sweat and tears involved, quite literally, but she guessed in the end it all turned out… passable. Just like Juuzou's grades. Her patient certainly wasn't one hundred percent better, one hundred percent sane, but was anybody really?

Working with Juuzou was something that became very familiar to her, something that she even came to enjoy and looked forward to - near and dear to her heart. It had been a joy to see him grow as a person and watch him slowly learn to adapt to live with humans. Watching her patients learn to move on past a difficult trauma was one of the most rewarding experiences for her, and that was especially true with Juuzou. But of course, their journey was still not over…

Try as they may, they could not stop all of the boy's violent tendencies, which seemed a scar of the past left on his heart that would take more than any allotted amount of time to heal. His schizophrenic bouts and lapses into insanity were becoming fewer and far between. He was not fully social and stable, but the files seemed to prove a progression, and that was all anybody could hope for, no matter how small. Shinohara hoped that things would get better for him once he had an activity to help channel his anger and passions - like being a ghoul investigator - and Emiko couldn't agree more.

About four months after Emiko's arrival in the thirteenth ward, she received word that Shinohara and Juuzou were coming back from a long mission, and were stopping by the ward before heading back home. They all decided to meet up for dinner, and for the first time in a long time, she wasn't really that busy anyway.

The station that evening was filled with noise and clanging as people rushed to and fro from the dozens of trains surrounding the place, all heading in different directions. It was a tangled mess of confusion and mayhem, and luckily the young therapist heard a -

"Emi-chan!" shouted Juuzou as soon as him and Shinohara got off their train at the station. It was a wonder she heard him through all the clanks, bells and whistles filing the place. His thin body weaved its way in and out through the people with miraculous ease, until he was standing right next to her. Unexpectedly, he threw his arms around her and squeezed her tight. her body tensed, and it took Emiko a long while to recognize what he was really trying to do to her - it was a hug. Him and Emiko had never hugged before, at all, but she accepted it now as a friendly gesture. For some reason he smelled of flowers and fresh air, and it was a refreshing contrast against the rotting structures of the busy train station.

"The good luck charm you gave me!" he said excitedly as he took a step back from her, barely giving her a chance to breath. "It worked! I took it to all my missions and it worked! It brought be good luck!" He was tugging at the 13 and swinging it around his neck, dotted with red ticks.

Emiko smiled at him. "I'd like to hear all about it in the car! Shall we?" Surprisingly, he allowed her to take his arm.

"That's classified information now!" said Shinohara, finally making his way around to where they standing. There was a smile on his face and his voice was light-hearted.

"It's all right if he tells me. I'm his 'shrink', you know," she said sassily as she led the pair out of the station to the Bureau's car. Just like her new office space in the 13th ward, the Bureau's vehicle was upgraded here too.

Although Emiko was just being polite in asking Juuzou about their mission, he took her intrigue to mean she was deeply fascinated by the subject, and plagued their entire car ride and nice dinner out with grueling and explicit details. When the food finally arrived and he got to the part about 'mince-meat', she had to cut him off. "Well it sounds like you're having a great time as a Ghoul Investigator!" she loudly over him as their plates were being brought out. Luckily her comment served to break them away into other, more pleasant conversation.

After spending nearly two hours together, laughing and talking in the restaurant booths, catching up on old times and telling new stories to add to the list, they finally looked at the clock and noticed it was a bit too late. They all packed up from their booth, guiltily noticing the poor restaurant workers stacking the chairs on the tables and cleaning up around them. Once outside however, they all laughed once more, at the awkwardness of the situation. Politely she offered to drive them all back to their hotel with the bureau car, and Juuzou quickly climbed in shotgun, beating his squad leader to it.

The engine fired up, and she pulled them out into the main road.

"Hey... aren't you going to tell her about that ghoul?" asked Shinohara after a few moments of silence being filled only by the dancing city lights. He poking his head out from the back seat to get a better view of the conversation, which was almost comical given the man's size. _Oh great, another story about killing ghouls,_ she thought, silently cursing Shinohara for his question, although glad they were almost to the hotel. What the boy was about to say, was an incredible surprise.

Juuzou glanced nervously at her before beginning his tale. "Back… during the Whack-a-mole investigation, I found this... ghoul. Who had two different colored eyes."

Emiko nearly stopped the car in the middle of the street. Two different eye colors? She had only met two people in her whole life who had two different eye colors. One was a girl she knew from kindergarten, who now worked at as a waitress at some back country grill. The other, was the ghoul who killed and ate her father right in front of her. But… could it be? The CCG had long since closed their investigations on that particular ghoul, after years of no documented hunting activity. The ghoul was presumed dead, although Emiko always believed he was still out there somewhere.

"Two different eyes?" she asked, beckoning him to continue. She had to know.

"He was fighting this group ahead of Shinohara and I, and I heard him mumble something about…"

"Yes?" Emiko was having a hard time concentration on the road. Could this ghoul they found really be that one? She held her breath.

"The ghoul was trying to taunt us, telling us about the different CCG Officers it had killed. And then I heard him… he mentioned your father, Koen. That's when I remembered the story you told me about... that ghoul."

Emiko kept holding her breath as they pulled into the parking lot of the hotel, and thank goodness they had arrived, because her hands were shaking so badly and tears that were forming were clouding the vision of her one good driving eye. Somehow as a CCG employee, she had the the right to keep driving the Bureau car, regardless of her limited depth perception. CCG cars just never got pulled over.

"He ended up getting away," he carried on. "But I tracked him for a few days and found him again in a deep part of the tunnels." Seriously, what were the odds that it was Suzuya who found him?

 _"Suzuya! Where are you going!" shouted Shinohara from where the group was fighting off the ever present ghouls, left and right. They were surrounded, but not outnumbered. Plus, they had their trump card - the Reaper. It was so dark in the place, that it was difficult to know if they were stepping in mud water, or blood. "Suzuya! Get back here!" he tried to shout at his subordinate, but it was no use. He saw the small mop of white hair disappear behind a wall, following that strange eyed ghoul who had been giving them the most trouble. "Damn it!" he cursed._

 _"Go get him and bring him back," said a voice stepping out from the shadows. The murkiness of the tunnels made everything much more ominous than necessary. The voice stepped out into the dim light of the CCG lamps, showing itself as belonging to Arima. And thank God he finally arrived. Assuming the order, Shinohara retired his Arata armour and took off after Juuzou, splashing through the piles and soaking the bottoms of his pants. All he hoped for was that his subordinate was still alive._

 _The whole ordeal turned out to be quite the game of cat and mouse, with Juuzou running after the ghoul, and Shinohara running after him. None of them got any sleep that night, and it wasn't until presumably noon the next day when he finally made his way up to a dead end, and noticed two shadowy figures discussing something in the distance. The ghoul must have underestimated Suzuya's stamina and strength, as most ghouls were prone to doing._

 _"You know Kouen-san, right?" Juuzou had said. These words echoed off of the damp walls, reverberating throughout the cellar. Upon closer inspection, it appeared that the two had gotten into a previous fight that Shinohara had missed - with torn clothes and blood stained, trembling bodies._

 _"Oh yes," the ghoul responded, staring calmly, dreamily into a puddle. Whether he was doing this to taunt Juuzou, Shinohara did not know. "I take it you knew him then? He was so… tasty..."_

 _At this the fight commenced, a bright kakuja clashing and grinding against Bikaku knives, which were his subordinate's specialty._

 _"You want to kill me, don't you?" was the ghoul's last, crazed words, bleeding severely from the place he was cornered against a wall "Do it!" he spat. Shinohara wanted to step in to remind his subordinate of ethics and procedures, but was frozen in place. Maybe it was in seeing a genius at work. Maybe it was the coldness of the tunnels and the fatigue from running all night. "Take your revenge on me! Kill me! That's what I did after all. I hope you end up just like m-" it screamed, wallowing in it's own blood._

 _"Don't talk to me," said Juuzou, dealing the last fatal blow._

Emiko's knuckles were white – she was clutching onto the wheel too hard, trying to steady her trembling body. Tears streamed down her face uncontrollably and soaked her medical eyepatch. Angrily, she forced it off her head and tossed it aside, placing her hands in her lap to catch the drips falling from her eyes.

"Emi-chan... I thought you would be happy..." said Juuzou quietly, not knowing what to do. Shinohara placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, signalling him to be patient.

"You… you did it," she finally choked out, trying to wipe the tears from her face. Years worth of pain and fear she felt from that night seemed to be lifted slightly from her shoulders, hovering in the car above them. She realized there was no way to know these things for certain. Even Emiko didn't think she remembered how the ghoul's face went exactly. It was a dark night, without even the light of the moon. Even so, there was no traces of doubt in her heart as she looked into herself reflected in Juuzou's eyes. He had done it, and now her father could rest in peace. What other ghoul could there be with eyes just as she described to him? There was no description like it in any of the CCG's records and files, she herself had spent many nights scouring through them, over and over again.

"It's over now," she said, breathing heavily, trying to dry her eyes but failing miserably. "I can finally sleep peacefully at night now... knowing that my father's murderer has been brought to justice."

Juuzou looked at her, still not sure why she was crying if she was happy.

"Th… thank you Suzuya-kun." He didn't know why, but at the mention of his name on her lips he smiled and felt a deep happiness in the pit of his stomach.

"I think it was your good-luck charm that did it," said Shinohara from the backseat, placing a giant hand comfortingly on her back. "It was the thing that tied the strings of destiny together."

Emiko wiped her nose and smiled at the two men in the car next to her. She was probably a mess, with red eyes, mascara and the rest of her makeup making streaks running down her face. But for the first time, at that moment, Juuzou noticed how pretty she actually was. "Suzuya-san," she addressed him formally, straightening up in her seat as she wiped the (hopefully) last of her tears away. "You did this for me and for my father. To repay you, I would like to give you a kiss."

"Kiss?" he repeated, somewhat stunned by her sudden shift in attitude. In all his life, he could not ever remember being kissed, or knowing anyone to have kissed before. Except for maybe Shinohara and his wife and kids.

"W-would that be ok?" she asked, smiling at him through her tears that she just could not force away for any appropriate length of time. He nodded his head in acceptance, so gently, slowly, she leaned forward towards his right cheek, and kissed him softly there, lingering and taking in his scent once more.

As soon as she leaned back in her seat, Juuzou's hand shot up and touched the spot where her lips had been just moments before on his cheek, as if she had left something there for him to find. Emiko giggled.

Shinohara coughed, interrupting the moment and bringing attention to the fact that they were all still sitting in a parked car outside of a hotel. "Well, it was nice to see you again, Emi-chan. We should meet up again before we leave town!"

"Definitely!" she responded, and waved as the two got out of the car and unloaded their things. She put her seatbelt back on, and pulled out of the small parking lot once they safely disappeared inside of the building, and made her way back to her apartment.

"Shinohara-san?" asked Juuzou when the two men arrived in their hotel room. He was touching the spot on his cheek again with his index and forefinger.

"Hmm?"

"I feel… something..." he said, placing his free hand over his chest. Whenever he felt a new emotion, he would always go to Shinohara or Emiko to help him decipher what it was. "I feel it in here. My heart… I can feel it."

Shinohara laughed. "That's probably because it's beating."

Juuzou walked over to the window, overlooking the nightlife of Tokyo's thirteenth district. "Is this what... that feels like?" he mumbled quietly to himself.

Shinohara stepped over to the window by him, wondering what wise words he could say in this situation. "All hearts do that. They beat. That's what it means to be alive."


	9. Someone Precious

While Shinohara left promptly the next day so as to spend time with his wife before being deployed to their next mission, Juuzou elected to stay behind.

"We get to investigate the 'Gourmet'," Suzuya had told her. "So Shinohara-san and I are going to the 20th ward next!" She drove them both to the train station to say goodbye to Shinohara, and then they both returned to the car, thinking absently about how busy the lives of Ghoul Investigators are.

"I'll make you dinner at my place tonight, does that sound good? I can't keep taking you men out to dinner, it gets too expensive."

"Mhmm," he replied, nodding his head furiously at the mention of food. "I really like curry, you know."

Emiko raised an eyebrow at this unassuming statement. "Haha, well I guess I'll make some curry then."

She drove into the parking lot of a nearby convenience store and the two got out to go shopping for supplies. They walked down the isles, Juuzou's investigator's shoes squeaking on the tile floor, as the two laughed and made conversation. It was quite a different experience from the first time they had walked into a store together. Suzuya had definitely grown a lot. If he wasn't a completely normal human being, he at least acted more like it.

When they walked down towards the rice section, they passed an isle of household merchandise, stuff like hand towels and brooms. And sewing needles.

Suzuya wandered off down the aisle.

"Hey Juuzou?" asked Emiko after a while, basket full of groceries and realizing that he was nowhere to be found. "Oh there you are! I got our stuff, let's get going," she said, peaking her head down an aisle and finding her friend's messy mop of white hair.

But he was standing motionless as if he had barely heard her, staring at a little box of needles. It made Emiko uncomfortable just watching him like that, although the look on his face told her otherwise. His face was contorted in an awkward expression, looking as if it wanted to be sad but didn't really know how. He reached a hand up and clenched at his chest, looking at her medical eyepatch with his own uncertain, blank eyes.

The boy had difficulty expressing emotion, but Emiko had a feeling that he was remembering what had happened a few years ago, and was beginning to understand a little of the gravity of that action. "Emi-chan," he said after a few moments, a look of uncertainty still on his face. She waited patiently for him. "I… I… I'm…"

"Juuzou-kun," she said warmly, placing a hand on his shoulder gently. "It's ok." She knew he wasn't sorry, deep down inside – not because he was mean, but just because he didn't know _how_ to be. But he felt _something_ , something that he didn't know how to express, and she would accept this minor attempt at reconciliation. "That's in the past. Let's go home now."

After a short car ride, an amusing attempt at teaching Juuzou how to cook, and many bowls of curry later, it was 10 pm and about ready for bed. "Hey, you don't have any extra bags or anything, right?" she asked him, glancing at the clock.

He wagged his head.

"Then why don't you sleep here tonight? That way you aren't sucking up anymore of the CCG's funds in hotel expenses." She meant this comically, although she would mind the extra company.

"Really? Can I Emi-chan?"

She nodded and flashed him a smile. "But don't think you can stay here for free, either. You have to help with dishes."

When clean up was taken care of, Emiko set up the couch for Suzuya to sleep on, giving him some extra pillows and blankets in case he got cold. Although it was fairly warm in general, her cheap apartment had bad insulation and midnight breezes liked to fight their way through her walls.

"I'll be in the room just down the hallway in case you need me," she said to him in her pinstriped pajamas. She looked cute with her hair in a short braid, and fuzzy rabbit slippers.

"Emi-chan, you should let me decorate your eyepatch," said Juuzou, laying in his heap of blankets.

"Hmm?" she responded. Then she realized he meant with his 'stitching'. She looked over his 'decorated' arms and smiled, pulling the patch off her face and placing it into his eager hands. "What will you put on it?" she asked.

"You'll see in the morning. It's a surprise."

Emiko hoped she wouldn't regret it as she left him to do his work. At worst, she would only have to wear it to the train station, in order to be polite, then she could quickly throw it away and pretend like she lost it.

Suzuya on his part, thought long and hard about what might look good on the eye patch. At first he thought a large number 13, but then thought that might be too flashy. Next he thought of curry, or some cooking thing, but that might be too sexist. Maybe the therapist notebook she carries around all the time? Too boring. He did and redid designs all over his leg for about an hour before he thought of the perfect thing! He grabbed his black and blue and white threads and went to work.

Not too long later, and after a few tweaks, it was complete. He wanted her to see it right away, so he wrestled his way out of the blankets and into the short hallway, pushing open her bedroom door. Somehow, she was still asleep amidst all of his ruckus in the living room. She was lying sprawled out in her bed, sheets kicked off and onto the floor. Her mouth was hanging open and her hair was beginning to come out of that perfectly tight braid it was in earlier that evening. Her clothes were tangled up all around her, exposing most of her skin. It was quite the comical sight for the usually so put-together therapist, and Juuzou realized he didn't want to wake her up afterall.

Tiptoeing into the room like a silent sandman, he placed the eyepatch onto her nightstand, and stopped to admire his work one last time before morning.

Before he was able to creep back out of the room however, he decided to do something odd. He had seen Shinohara do it once to his wife, and thought that perhaps this was something he could do too. Holding his breath, he walked over to the bed. Picking up the tossed sheets piled on the floor, he opened them up and spread them over Emiko. He wasn't sure if he did it right, but he was satisfied with his work nonetheless, and he turned around to leave when he heard her utter

"Thanks."

"Hmm?" he turned his face around, eyes now adjusted to the light, and saw that she was still sleeping. Talking in her sleep? Shinohara did that sometimes too.

"Thanks... father," she mumbled again, turning onto her side, cuddling up with her newfound sheets.

And that's when it hit him.

Suzuya grabbed the eyepatch back from off of her nightstand and ran back into his nest of blankets in the living room. He unstitched every last part of his drawing - a cartoon Shiro, Tsukiko-chan's fat black cat, who in this depiction was sitting in a park eating a squirrel - and grabbed out his grey and black and yellow. _This_ next image, would be a masterpiece.

…...

Juuzou woke up early the next day to the smell of breakfast cooking.

"Goooood morning," said Emiko from the stove.

Suzuya rolled over in his blanket heap, wondering how one person could be so cheerful when the sun was barely up. He wanted sleep, but also wanted breakfast. Which would come first in his life today?

"I'm not going to serve you on the couch, so you have to come to the table if you want breakfast."

Looks like Emiko made up his mind for him. He groggily squirmed out of his lair and sulked over to the little dining table. He spent too much time last night thinking about Emi-chan's eyepatch, and not enough time sleeping. And then he remembered.

"Emi-chan!" he shouted out.

"Hmm?" she responded, turning around from the hot stove to face him. Her hair was back again in a perfect braid and her face was radiant like the sun. On her face, was the eye patch Suzuya decorated for her, which he had left on her bed stand as well.

"Beautiful," he whispered, making Emiko blush. He didn't know why.

"Oh - yes - this eye patch," she said quickly. "It's lovely Juuzou-kun! Honestly I was expecting a decapitated animal or something, but this was a magnificent surprise!"

It was a little scary how well Emiko knew him.

"It's a thunderstorm," explained Suzuya, receiving his bowl of rice and a fried egg gratefully. "Like your father, Raiden. Raiden is a god of thunder or something like that, right?"

Emiko nodded her head nostalgically. When she was little, she used to be afraid of thunderstorms. She would run into her father's room, and he would let her sleep in his bed on those nights. He would always tell her that whenever she heard a thunderstorm, that it was just him getting too excited. She would always scold him and tell him to go to bed quickly, so that the thunderstorm would stop. Now that she was older, whenever there was a thunderstorm, she would think that it was her father, watching over her.

"It really is a beautiful design Juuzou-kun. I think I'll wear this one a lot." After breakfast they cleaned up quickly and she drove him out to the train station. While they were waiting for his train to arrive, the two stood quietly.

"I think I'll miss you, Juuzou-kun," she said after a few moments. He looked at her surprised, as if unsure what those words might mean. "You're a really good friend, and I like having you around - I'll miss you," she confirmed. His eye's widened at the realization of that statement.

"Miss me?" he echoed back quietly, pondering it some more. For some reason, he was filled with that strange emotion again, the one he felt when Emiko had kissed him just two days prior. He felt his heart beating inside of his chest, and remembered Shinohara's words - that's right, that he was alive. And Emiko helped him to remember that.

"I… I promise I'll kill lots of ghouls for you," he said loudly as his train pulled up, causing lots of stares from the surrounding peoples.

Emiko smiled in a way that lit up her whole face. She was so used to curious stares by now. "I'll be expecting you to keep that promise then."

He spent the whole train ride pondering over her words.

* * *

"Shinohara-san, I… I want to ask you something," said Suzuya when they both arrived in the CCG quarters they were assigned to. It had been a few weeks since they were both assigned to the 'Gourmet' case in the 20th ward, and for some reason, Emiko had been in his mind a lot more frequently than usual.

"What is it?" he asked.

"It's… it's Emi-chan," Suzuya responded slowly. "For some reason, I keep thinking about her. This feeling," he pointed to his chest. "It's more than just my heart. It's everywhere. What is this Shinohara-san?"

His superior thought about this for a moment. "Hmm..." he hummed after a while. "I think I might know what this means."

"Really?" asked Suzuya, perking up a bit, excited that somebody might know the cure to his malady.

"Mhmm. I think you are feeling this way, because Emi-chan is someone who is precious to you."

"Precious to me?" he echoed back, thinking.

"Of course. It makes sense, too. You and her are very close now."

"Close," Suzuya echoed back again. Shinohara watched as he tried to keep on processing his emotions. "I think you're right Shinohara-san," he declared after a moment. He could just faintly remember having this feeling for someone in his childhood, but the memory of it was too fleeting for him to hold on to. "But... I don't really know what to do," said Suzuya after a while. "What am I... supposed to do? Have you ever had anyone precious to you Shinohara-san?"

"Yes, I have actually."

Suzuya looked relieved. "Who?"

"My wife, for one," he said, trying not to laugh. "She is very precious to me. And my kids too. As for what to I do about it… That's hard to say." He thought for a moment. "I guess, for me, because she is precious to me, I want to talk with her a lot, and be with her. I send her texts and call her and when I can't, I write letters. I want to keep my family safe and protect them. I want to make sure they have a good life, and that I'm always there when they need me. I think, that this is the sort of thing you do when you have someone who is precious to you."

Suzuya's eyes widened as he took in all of this information, wishing he had a pen and paper to jot these down on instead of having to take mental notes. He didn't really _want_ to do any of these things as they all sounded like a lot of work and not like a lot of fun, but if Shinohara said so...

"Thank you Shinohara-san!" he said.

"Any time. Well, it's getting late now, so goodnight! See you bright and early!"


	10. Letters

Juuzou sat down and pulled out a piece of fresh parchment from his desk, clicking the cabinet drawer shut tight after. He had special secret items in there that he didn't want anybody to see (mostly sweets). Kanji should have been easy for him, seeing as he graduated from the junior Academy and all, but his letters still mostly consisted of hiragana. And pictures.

Art was a certain form of self expression for Juuzou, and since Emiko loved his art (even though most of them found their way into her recycling bin due to 'graphic' content), he was proud to keep sending her more. Since Shinohara had kept him too busy over the last couple of weeks getting ready and preparing for the big Aogiri bust in the 11th ward, now that it was over he had to wrack his brain to remember the characters for the words he wanted to tell her.

After a few sentences of a sloppy jumble of lines scribbled over the paper, he muttered, "Screw it," and decided to draw his story out in comic strip form instead, involving an exploding motorcycle, and Maude's face near bursting with rage during the strict talking-to he received afterwards.

Since Juuzou didn't really know how to use a cellphone (nor really care for one) he took Shinohara's advice and decided to start writing Emiko letters whenever he could remember. Sometimes they would be numerous pages long, filled with comics, pictures and a few random comments of the things he ate that day. On those occasions, he would have a hard time shoving all the papers into those little CCG envelopes he stole from the secretary at the front desk. At other times, his letters would be a page or less.

He wouldn't always be consistent with how often he sent them out, but made sure to push one in the mail at least every month. He enjoyed getting her letters back as well. Sometimes her letters would come with stickers or her own little (less than impressive) doodles. Those were his favorites, because he could then give her tips and pointers - something he thought she desperately needed - and he enjoyed seeing her (slight) improvement over time.

After Juuzou had completed outlining the details on one comic box of a half-eaten Jason in the middle of the blood-stained, checkered torture room, he ran off to go deliver it down stairs to his post box. Shinohara would probably yell at him if he were caught using the work postbox for personal letters, but Juuzou figured he never received any letters in it anyway.

After shoving the tightly packed envelope into the slot, and nearing the door to go back to his office to maybe sneak a cookie or two, something caught his attention. He really shouldn't have been surprised to see a letter waiting for him in his delivery slot. The main branch CCG officers hadn't been in the 20th ward for nearly two weeks after all.

Making his way over towards the delivery boxes, Juuzou eagerly picked up his letter and tore it open.

Opposite of his _own_ letters, Emiko was always very consistent with hers. She always sent one out the day after she received one from him, and they were always exactly two pages long. That's why her letter came as a surprise - because it came without warning - and it was also barely a page long.

After the (boring) opening paragraph she usually writes that he normally skips over, it read:

 _So, you are probably wondering why I'm sending you an extra letter this week Juuzou-kun. Rest assured, it's great news! You know that guy that I told you about in previous letters, they one I was seeing for a while? Rank 1 Akihiko? Well... he just asked me to marry him last night! I'll tell you all the details in the next letter, but I was just_ so _excited I couldn't wait to tell you. The wedding date will most likely be in May or June.. I hope you can make it, we'll be sending out invitations soon. Anyway, bye for now, until my next letter._

 _With all my love,_

 _Emiko Koen_

Suzuya read that one paragraph over and over again, even checking the first opening paragraph to see if he missed something. Emiko was getting… married?

He should probably be happy for her. Or at least neutral on the matter, right? Then why did he feel everything but those things?

"Oh, Juuzou! There you are," said Shinohara, stepping into the CCG post box room at that precise moment, as if on cue. They had gotten back from the 11th ward just a few days ago and there was still a lot of work to do. Juuzou had been hiding from him for the past couple hours, no doubt slacking off again. "Did you get another letter from Emiko?" he asked, after Juuzou was just standing motionless in front of the paper in his hands for a while, eyes glued to the words there.

"Yeah."

"...Well, what does it say?" Shinohara, like Juuzou, was also very attuned to Emiko's mailing patterns (seriously, everything that girl did was patterned and organized), and he was curious as to why she had sent out an extra one.

"..."

"Well? Spit it out."

"She's…." Juuzou began, trying to remember the correct word for it, and tore his eyes away from the page long enough to look at his superior. "Engaged."

"Oh..." he responded quietly, wondering what in the world the blonde could be thinking about in light of this news. "Well… that's... exciting, right? Weddings are always fun," he offered. To Shinohara's delight, Suzuya instantly put on a large smile, seeming to forget whatever he was wrestling over in his mind just moments before.

"You're right! I remember you and your wife's wedding. There was lots of cake, wasn't there? And we'll be able to see Emi-chan again, too."

"That's the spirit," Shinohara said, giving his subordinate a reassuring pat on the back with one of his large hands. "How about this? Before _we_ get to cracking on that paperwork, let's go get some lunch. My treat. We can even call up Emiko so we can wish her much happiness."

* * *

Two Months Later

" _Dear Emi-chan,_

 _Shinohara-san and I are so very much excited for you. You have your cake all picked out and the baker knows to bring it to your WEH-DING right? And you'll have other sweets out too, right? Like at Shinohara's?_

 _Oh that's right, Shinohara and I visited a shrine today to pray for you and your FEE-HAN-SEH. I sent up an extra prayer that your cake will turn out perfectly! I couldn't imagine what a WUH-DENG would be like if the cake turned out wrong… The whole day would just be ruined._

-Juuzou took a break here to draw a picture of what he thought the perfect wedding cake should look like. -

 _Oh, and guess WHAT? I'm getting PRO-MOE-TUD to Rank 2! You know what that means? It means my new quinque will be coming soon! Well, remember when I told you about Jason? They are in the PRAW-CESS of making it right now. I'll draw a picture of what I think it'll look like -_

 _..._

 _\- Anyway, I'll draw you a more detailed one once I get to see it. The PRO-MOE-SHE-UN ceremony will be just a month after your WEH-DUN, so you'll have to make sure you aren't doing anything then so you can come see me. I guess you can bring Hakifujito... or whatever... too if you want. The picture on the next page is what I'll look like getting my PRO-MOE-SHE-UN._

 _I'll see you next month, ok?_

 _BYE_

* * *

 _Dear Juuzou,_

 _Thank you so much for your letter. It was great to finally hear back from you after -_ Juuzou skipped the rest of this paragraph _-_

 _I am so excited to hear about your_ _ **promotion**_ _! I told my_ _ **fiance**_ _about it and we both wish you the best, and will most definitely make it to your_ _ **promotion**_ _ceremony. I'm excited also to hear news about your quinque. You've earned it all!_

 _I'm sorry that this letter is a bit short, but with it being so close till the_ _ **wedding**_ _, coupled with work and the recent Aogiri raid, I've been terribly busy. Maybe choosing a wedding date so soon was a bad idea… But when you know, you know, right? Not to mention that everything is all arranged and ready to go!_ _ **Akihiko**_ _and I have already taste tested and picked out the cake, so don't worry about that. You'll be happy to hear that Tsukiko is also going to bring some home made daifuku!_

 _Thank you so much again for your letter, for praying for Akihiko and I, and for your attached pictures! I enjoyed them as always. As my little treat I enclosed a *photograph* of the cake we decided on. Let me know what you think!_

 _I would also like to say thank you very much for going to the store with Shinohara-san to pick up the suits last week. I know they aren't really your thing, but I appreciate that you are willing to wear one for the day. You are a true friend!_

 _Best regards,_

 _Koen Emiko_

* * *

 **Sorry it's been so long everybody! I haven't died, haha, just busy with school, exams and the holidays. But I can finally relax a little and enjoy my break, and begin updating more frequently again. So here is a belated Christmas present! I thought I'd update this story first since it seems to be the most popular, wow. Thanks for all the support and reviews guys! I really appreciate them.**

 **Note: I noticed that in previous chapters I said Juuzou and Shinohara were investigating the "Gourmet", but in fact, are actually investigating the "Binge Eater". I'll go back and fix that eventually, haha, oops.**

 **I hope you all liked this chapter! The next chapter will be the wedding, and I'll bring in Amon, Akira, Takizawa and a *surprise guest* as well. If you think anyone else should be a guest to the wedding as well just let me know in the comments section and I'll have them show up too.**


	11. Scent of Happiness

**Hello everyone!**

 **So as I was going over this story, I realized that** chapter 3 had been missing **, the one about Emiko and Juuzou going to the convenience store and him getting a needle lodged in her eye. I have no idea how long that chapter was missing for, so if that was confusing, I apologize! But it's back up, so please go read it if you haven't yet!**

 **Also, sorry this has taken too long to get up. I was struggling really hard with this chapter for some reason. I must have completely rewritten it 3 or 4 times, but here it is now, in its final form. Enjoy! - (Thanks for all the reviews too! I appreciate every one!)**

* * *

"Why are you crying?" said Tsukiko, panicking slightly and dropping the hairbrush. "I didn't mean to pull!"

"No, no!" said Emiko apologetically, waving her hands up and down to try and dry the tears before it streaked her make-up. "It's not that, my hair is fine, I just…"

Tsukiko picked the hairbrush off the floor and nodded knowingly after a few seconds. "Then you're nervous about today. Don't worry, this happens to lots of brides right before their weddings. Not that I know from personal experience, but I've seen it in movies and stuff, yeah."

Try as she might, Tsukiko wasn't really doing much to help console her friend. She tried patting her on the back awkwardly. Rubbing her shoulders. Lighting some incense. But nothing she was doing was really helping the anxious bride.

"I just keep thinking…" she began. "Not that I think I'm doing the wrong thing, but maybe a little bit of that too… But I just keep thinking that something really horrible is going to happen."

"Oh," said Tsukiko, nodding. "Like your dress will fall off? Or that the food will taste nasty?"

Her friend shook her head, not swayed by her morbid attempts at humor.

Tsukiko thought some more. "You know, I have a friend that's into tarot and she's been teaching me. I could try and read your future?"

Emiko grimaced and shook her head all the more violently.

"That's ok," said Tsukiko, trying to hide her disappointment. "I'm a novice. I get it."

"Maybe I'll text Shinohara…"

The maid-of-honor turned her nose up at the mention of Emiko's old friend. "Not that stick in the mud?"

"Hey you," said Emiko, smiling for the first time that day. "That stick in the mud is going to be walking me down the aisle in a few hours. Please try to get along!"

In an instant, her message was sent.

* * *

"Train station clear! Target on point, heading coordinates 35.683 degrees north, 139 -" Akira was cut off by her superior.

"We won't make it in time! There has to be another way!" Amon grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the way of the oncoming crowds.

"It's ok," said Suzuya stepping on the scene, pulling out a few knives hidden beneath his suit jacket. "I'll make a path through."

In an uproar, Takizawa jumped the ticket barrier and bolted towards the group. "Suzuya!" he cried, attempting to disarm the white-haired investigator. "You can't use quinque on civilians! Has everybody lost their minds?"

"Relax," called the reassuring voice of Shinohara from behind the ticket counter, where a booth keeper stood, arms crossed and steam coming out of his ears, whose anger was pointed directly at the young investigator who had jumped the gate without pay.

"Let's just take a cab to the next station. I have one waiting out front right now."

Akira sighed as she looked at her prepaid transit card, and holding her head held high, went back out through. Takizawa only smiled sheepishly and attempted to search for his investigator ID to placate the angry booth keeper.

"Are you sure we'll make it in time?"

"Of course," said Shinohara, patting the shoulders of the eager young investigators as they ran one by one into the cramped cab. "If another train breaks down, we'll just take the cab all the way there. Emiko's wedding wouldn't start without us, after all."

And so, the 20th ward investigators arrived in the 13th ward in suits and ties, or in Akira's case, a beautiful yellow summer dress. But of course, sometime between the train platform and the ride to the wedding ceremony, Suzuya had "lost" the tie portion of his outfit. It was 'too restraining', although if Emiko _really_ wanted him to be wearing a tie, he supposed he could miraculously 'find' it and put it back on. But just for today.

Since Emiko's father could not be present, Shinohara was asked to walk her down the aisle in his stead, so he would eventually have to change into his traditional style, samurai-type kimono when he arrived, and luckily, not have to keep wearing a tie. His wife and kids would be there waiting for them at the park already, dressed up and ready to go as well. Today was a big day.

Suzuya hadn't seen Emiko in months, and he desperately did not want to mess things up, as he was prone to doing. Not that he could really help it one way or another. But at least this time, he would make an active effort to be on his best behavior.

"Emi-san just texted me, she wants to meet me at her apartment," Shinohara said after they all arrived at the park, but then motioned towards his underling privately. "Would you like to come with, Juuzou? I'm sure she'd love that."

The apartment was only a short distance away from where the ceremony was to be held, so they decided to walk there, both needing some fresh air anyway, especially after being forced to sit in the middle of the Akira-Takizawa war that took place during the cab ride, that felt more like a clown's car.

"Shinohara-san… What should I say to her?" asked Juuzou as they were walking on the sidewalk together, busy city streets already bustling with cars and bicycles this early in the morning. He was racking his brains for the socially correct thing to do in these situations. He remembered back during Shinohara's wedding, but things were different with Emiko.

"What do you _want_ to say?" he suggested.

Suzuya had to think about this. What does one say in these situations? He tried desperately to think of a movie he watched once where there was a traditional japanese wedding.

"I think I want to say… that I'm really happy for her? But maybe what I really want to say is that, I hope that this guy doesn't cause problems for Emiko. Or I'll cut out his eyes and feed them to him." He thought more about different tortures he even felt like inflicting on the guy now, but was cut off by Shinohara chuckling.

"Then I think you should say that. But maybe leave out the part about Aki's eyes."

When they rang the buzzer to the familiar apartment complex, it was Tsukiko that answered the door.

"Hara-kun, Juuzou-kun! Come in!" she greeted, animatedly. "Emi-chan's in her bedroom."

Shinohara wasn't going to allow himself to scoff at the unkempt maid-of-honor standing in front of them, who would dare address him as 'Hara-kun'. But that didn't mean he could keep from gaping.

She was wearing a hideous yellow and blue kimono, whose colors would match his own (although, he thought _his_ was more tasteful), and her hair was dyed eye-piercing yellow to match, with black tips. Not to mention the tattoos and piercings that covered most of the area space of her showing skin, and heavy makeup to boot.

"You look so cool Tsuki-chan!" Suzuya exclaimed, staring in awe at her design, interrupting Shinohara's awkward gaze. If only Emiko let _him_ dress like that for the wedding, he wouldn't have minded so much if there was a tie involved.

After a quick hug to her from Suzuya, the two were led into the room where Emiko was. And the sight was absolutely breathtaking.

She was standing by the window in her room, wearing a brilliant white kimono. Her face was radiant and her hair was done up in a beautiful traditional way with japanese flowers in it. And over her left eye, sat the eye patch that Suzuya had stitched for her, depicting the perfect storm.

"Her hair is pretty isn't it? I was working hard all day to make it perfect," said Tsukiko from the doorway, obviously proud of herself. And even Shinohara supposed she had a right to be.

If only the maid-of-honor had spent a little extra time on her _own_ appearance, thought Shinohara.

"Beautiful!" said Suzuya, still staring at the bride in front of him, and Emiko's cheeks flushed light pink. For a moment he forgot the words that he had been practicing to say to her. The lines he was reciting over and over again in his head for these types of social situations.

"J-Juuzou-kun," she said, giving him a gorgeous smile. "You're here too!" she came up and gave both men a big hug.

"You texted me, is everything alright?"

"I guess I was just getting nervous. I needed to see you again before the wedding. To calm my nerves. You are always so great at that Shinohara-san."

"Well you don't have to be nervous!" pipped up Suzuya. "If your fiance tries to hurt you or anything, I'll make sure to kill him for you."

This made Emiko's cheeks flush again, although she let out a good laugh, humoured by the fact that this was the reason Juuzou thought she was nervous for. "I'm really glad you came too Juuzou-kun," she said, reaching out to hold his hand. It was an odd gesture, but she needed the moral support, and he seemed to be accepting of it.

The four spent a few minutes chatting and catching up – as always, Shinohara and Tsukiko weren't getting along, but they were toning it down for their friend's special day.

"So Emi-san, tell us about how you met this guy," asked Shinohara, finding a seat across the room so he didn't have to constantly smell the horrendous perfume that Tsukiko began to spray all over herself. Suzuya sat on the edge of the carpet, knees held up to his chest, eager to hear the story as well. He heard Aki - or whoever - was a Ghoul Investigator like himself. Maybe this story would have blood and guts in it.

"Well, we've actually known each other since the Academy," Emiko began her story. "We dated for a few months back then, but broke up when we both got our jobs. I was assigned to the ward, and he was deployed to the 6th."

"Isn't it funny," interrupted Shinohara. "That the girl who was so adamant about not dating _Ghoul Investigators_ is actually marrying one today?" He let out a hearty laugh.

Emiko turned up her nose, like she was used to doing so many times with him. "Well I dated Akihiko since before all that, so he doesn't count."

Suzuya didn't really get it, but he let her continue her story.

"Anyway, so we had been talking since two years ago on and off. Then one day we saw each other in the CCG office when I first got moved here. I guess he was passing by on a mission. He started visiting more and more since, and soon he confessed his feelings towards me and asked to take me out again.

"Then, we had been seeing each other for a few months, when he finally asked me to marry him, and of course I said yes! We are actually... getting married in the park where he proposed. It's also the park my mother and father got married in."

"Is that why you're opting for more of a traditional wedding?" asked Shinohara, indiscreetly placing a hand over his mouth and shooting daggers at the frivolous maid-of-honor who made him feel like puking slightly with her second round of perfuming.

"Yeah," the bride responded. "Something like that. I didn't want such an upscale event either though, so I decided to blend some traditional customs with some newer ones. Most of all, I just wanted people to come and relax. I honestly didn't even want to spend money at all, maybe just invite some people over for tea to celebrate quietly, but Akihiko's mother and father insisted on something a little more glitzy. I hope it's not too much…"

"Nonsense," said Shinohara, getting up to place a large hand comfortingly on her shoulder. The park looks beautiful and so do you. It'll be a lovely wedding."

Emiko smiled, "Definitely. You're right."

As if he couldn't contain himself anymore, Suzuya jumped up from the carpet and blurted out, "I'm happy for you Emi-chan!"

Startled, the rest of the room turned to look at him, but he only stood there, proud to have finally remembered the line he was practicing on the way there, and wanting to get it off his chest before he forgot it completely.

This little outburst however, only made Emiko smile even wider. She didn't know why, but her former patient's approval really did mean a lot to her, and she now felt fairly confident in her choice to marry Akihiko.

"Well it's almost time, should I escort you, Emiko-sama?" Shinohara said, looking at his watch after escaping into the bathroom to change into his 'father-of-the-bride' kimono. He bowed down low in a silly way that made Emiko laugh. If anyone in the world could make her feel better, it was the three people in the room with her right now.

Together the four of them exited the building, Shinohara escorting Emiko, and Suzuya escorting Tsukiko.

When they arrived, Shinohara stayed behind with the wedding party, and Suzuya went to take his seat by Amon, Akira and Takizawa.

He found out Emiko used to have appointments with Kureo Mado, doing counseling stuff. She even went to the funeral service for him, and knew Akira and Amon by association. He still didn't know how she knew Takizawa. Maybe from the Academy.

Overall the wedding was small and simple, yet beautiful and classy. It was perfectly analogous to Emiko's being as a whole. There was about thirty people attending the wedding ceremony that fell somewhere between 'traditional and modern'. In classic summer fashion everyone was seated on white lawn chairs, decorated with yellow and blue flowers and bows, with a beautiful arch at the center, where the officiant was standing.

When it looked like everyone was in their places, a small band of about three or four began to play a very traditional wedding song, as the wedding party came forward. And by wedding party, he meant maid-of-honor Tsukiko, escorted by a hesitant looking brother-of-the-groom (Shinohara couldn't blame him), and the beautiful Emiko and her faithful escort.

For such a small group gathered together, Suzuya was not expecting the ceremony to last as long as it did. He was quite bored just five minutes in, and began nodding off. If it wasn't for Takizawa jabbing an elbow into his side every once in awhile, he would have definitely fallen asleep.

Thank goodness the wedding reception afterwards was more lively.

If Emiko compromised with her new mother-in-law on the aspects of the wedding, Juuzou could tell where she lost when it came to the reception.

Many more people began flooding the outside park wedding, eager to deliver presents, talk with the new bride and groom, and eat at the delicious buffet, which is where Juuzou spent the majority of his time. Partly out of the desire to stuff himself, but also out of the awkwardness. He never knew how to react in formal settings. It never bothered him, it was just so boring to be around stuffy, shallow people.

"Juuzou! There you are!" called a familiar voice, making its way across the buffet table. "I've been looking everywhere for you, I wanted you to formally meet Akihiko, my f- er, husband!"

Juuzou spun around to face the slightly drunk Emiko who had nearly fallen into his arms after tripping on her long kimono.

"I'm sorry I'm so clumsy, I'm usually not like this," said Emiko, giggling as she moved to stand up straight.

"I know," said Juuzou, smiling, keeping one hand on her shoulder to steady her and another to pop a sweet in his mouth. "I'll forgive you since your food is so yummy."

"Is this the guy you've kept going on and on about?" asked the man who Juuzou recognized as the groom, stepping out from behind Emiko. "You aren't trying to steal my bride from me are you?"

Juuzou's hand dropped from Emiko's shoulder, mimicking his mood that had instantly turned sour at Akihiko's arrival.

"Oh no!" said Emiko suddenly, startling the two men. "Who gave Tsukiko alcohol? She can't handle her liquor at all!" Instantly, the bride zipped away to save her friend, with calls of 'I'll be right back' behind her.

With no intentions of getting to know Akihiko better, Juuzou turned away from the groom back towards the food table and began to see how many dumplings he could fit in his mouth at once and still breath.

Unfortunately, Akihiko had other plans.

"So, what are you exactly?" asked Akihiko, leaning against the buffet next to the young investigator. "Are you a girl or something? I thought Emiko said you were a guy."

Juuzou slipped one hand inside of his suit jacket, and found the hilt of one of his quinque knives. _He could do it. Right there, right then._ Sure, there would be witnesses, but Shinohara always cleared that stuff up for him. A small smile found it's way on Juuzou's face as he turned to face the groom.

In one swift motion, he pulled his hand out of his suit coat - only to be stopped by Shinohara coming up behind him, placing one arm over his smaller chest, making it difficult for Juuzou to move from that position. It was a clever move - from the outside, it looked like he was just coming to give the boy a hug.

"Akihiko!" said Shinohara. "Good to see you! Hope you're enjoying your party!"

As much as Juuzou struggled, the giant man behind him was struggling harder to keep him from going berserk, while maintaining a friendly smile.

"Right…" said Akihiko, raising an eyebrow at the awkward, struggling couple, but made no further comment.

After the two were finally left alone at their corner of the food bar, Shinohara finally let go, stretching out his stiff arms. After a long lecture about bringing his quinque knives to the wedding and the reasons we don't use them on non-ghouls, Shinohara made him cough up three of his knives, and then sent him back to mingle with the party, unbeknownst to him that Juuzou still had more knives hidden in multiple locations on his body.

But luckily Juuzou's rage seemed to have subsided as the cake was brought out.

Deciding to follow Shinohara around for the rest of the night proved to be most interesting. As the sun began to fall and the music became louder, people grew more and more drunk as well. Drunk people were always fun to watch.

Juuzou decided that night to teach Shinohara's kids some lessons in pranking drunk adults.

And then somebody interesting caught Juuzou's eyes.

"Shinohara-san?" he asked, nudging the senior investigator in the side, who was beginning to round up his kids to prepare to leave.

"Hmm?"

"Who is that?"

The two men looked over towards the dance floor where Emiko was chatting with a strange woman with long, green hair.

"I don't know, but let's get ready to leave soon, alright? Now where is my wallet…"

Juuzou left his side to go investigate himself, but just before he arrived, he noticed Amon cut in front, beating him to the chase.

"Emiko-san," Amon said formally, bowing. "I'm sorry to interrupt. I've been having such a wonderful time at your wedding, thank you for inviting me here."

"Of course!" said Emiko, blushing from the alcohol. "The more the merrier!"

"It is a _wedding_ after all," said the strange woman, smiling as well.

Amon narrowed his eyes as he shifted his gaze towards her.

"I'm sorry to be blunt, but, how do you know Ms. Takatsuki, Emiko?" asked Amon, not lifting his gaze from the strange woman.

"Oh, not at all Amon-san," she said, hiccuping slightly. "I actually met Ms. Takatsuki at a coffee shop when I was still at the Academy. I was studying for a psychology exam and she was kind enough to help me out. Every once in awhile we'll still meet up to chat and get coffee." And then she diverted her attention back towards the young woman. "I would have given you a formal invitation if I didn't think you were so busy with the new book and all!"

Takatsuki gave a smile as she nibbled on a dumpling. "Don't be silly, I should be the one apologizing! Showing up to your wedding unannounced like this. To be honest, I didn't know there was a wedding going on here at all, I just had a feeling…"

"A feeling, Ms. Takatsuki?" asked Emiko, laughing and enjoying her sake.

Takatsuki nodded. "Yes, a feeling. It's hard to explain. Maybe it's a writer's instinct. I must have been lured by the... scent of happiness."

"Oh, wearesohappy, aren'twe?" asked Emiko, slurring her words together in an almost incomprehensible jumble as she smiled towards Amon.

Juuzou had an uneasy feeling, but he couldn't quite place it. Perhaps Amon felt the same way, for his squinting eyes quickly changed from dangerous curiosity to something more sinister.

"Well I must be going!" said Takatsuki suddenly, sensing the change in atmosphere. "I'm sorry to eat and run, but I do have a book signing event tomorrow. I'll make sure to send the happy couple... a gift soon."


	12. Something So Stupid

"What's with that shaggy hair?"

"Juuzou? He looks like a girl."

"Are those… stitches?"

Loud and rather rude comments stating people's uneasiness filled the auditorium hall as Juuzou stepped onto the stage to receive his award and certificate of advancing rank from Washuu Yoshitoki, the Bureau Director at the CCG.

Who would have thought Juuzou would make it this far so soon? Certainly not Emiko.

Surprisingly, it wasn't much of a struggle for both her and Shinohara to help Juuzou out in studying for the written and oral exams the applicants had to take in order to move from Rank 3 to Rank 2. Without much prompting, Juuzou had indeed studied hard - more than he ever had for any exam at the Academy. It was most exciting (and surprising) news to hear of his passing marks.

On top of all mental efforts the boy had put forth, he was also apparently well regarded in the field, being responsible for taking out the S class ghoul 'Jason', among many other A class ghouls during the past months since the raid.

However, Emiko truly didn't understand how incredibly impressive Juuzou's record with the CCG was, until a group of people sitting a few rows back began a not-quite-so-quiet whisper about the famed Arima Kishou.

"That Juuzou hasn't even been a rank 3 investigator for more than a year…"

"How is that even possible?"

"Jeez, some people…"

"The only one I've ever heard of advancing so quickly is Arima himself!"

Was her little Juuzou really that remarkable an investigator to warrant such whisperings?

No way… but it's not as if the CCG would advance somebody so quickly out of something like pity or fear, right? Emiko had only met a couple of the Washuus in formal settings, but knew from personal experience that the family was not one to be bullied or pressured into anything they did not want to do. Juuzou must have deserved this reward.

Blocking out the disrespectful grumblings of the people around her, the only other thing Emiko could really think about as Juuzou slinked off stage, not bowing to his superiors once, but smiling as wide as a kid in a candy store, was indeed how sloppily he presented himself.

Perhaps if he could just _appear_ normal on the outside, people would stop looking at him with _those_ eyes. Was even something as simple as that impossible however?

Although Juuzou was indeed wearing the Investigator's formal wear, his attire was loosely up to code. So many embarrassing infractions ranging from an unbuttoned collar, jacket hanging off the shoulders, body marked up, hair a mess, the list could go on and on. Shinohara mentioned briefly before they were seated, the pain it took to even put the uniform on him at all, so perhaps the present outcome should be considered a win anyway. Yet still...

After the Promotion Ceremony came to a close and people began moving into the Grand Hall for the reception, Emiko gave her congratulations to the investigators she knew, then quickly shuffled over to the food tables, knowing that it was the most probable location to find the one she was actually looking for.

"Juuzou-kun, there you are! Congratulations on becoming a Rank 2 Investigator!"

Red, happy eyes darted around the Grand Hall to see who had called his name, and finally rested on the curled head of black hair making its way toward him.

"Emi-chan!"

Seeing his eyes light up and smile just as bright as ever as he called her name, made her heart soar. Even though Juuzou had been receiving odd _looks_ and comments all night, ranging from fear to curiosity to contempt, it was not enough to shake his good mood. Perhaps he was just used to the negative treatment by now, but Emiko could tell that on some deep level, it really did bother him.

"I'm sorry my husband couldn't make it. Akihiko is on a mission right now, but tells me to send his regards."

Juuzou, in the spirit of not conforming to social norms, shoved the rest of his powdered sugar treat into his mouth, brushed his hands off on the pants of his freshly dry-cleaned uniform, and wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her mid-section tightly and rubbing some leftover sugar into her own outfit in the process.

If anything, his physical strength was at least up to par with a Rank 2 Investigator.

"Guess what?" he asked, loosening his grip and finally swallowing the last bits of food, although the traces of powdered sugar all over his face was evidence enough. "Shinohara said I could go pick up my quinque on Monday!"

 _Everything_ about the idea of giving Juuzou a quinque made Emiko's stomach tighten up and sent goosebumps up her arms.

Sure, he had worked his tail off to get to this promotion ceremony, and he deserved to enjoy the fruits of his labors, but… Could someone like him really be trusted to wield something so deadly? Although he had crossed significant milestones over the years, his mental and emotional stability was still sub par.

"And Arima came over and said that next time, I could even become a First Class Investigator!"

Emiko ruffled a brow. "Arima said... that?"

How could a 19 year old become a First Class Investigator? A 19 year old like _Juuzou_ of all people? And what, completely skip over Rank 1? Just who was this Arima person?

Maybe after all, Emiko still thought it was some fluke that he had advanced to Rank 2 so quickly.

Yet still, Juuzou looked so hopeful in that one moment, with powdered sugar still dusted across his face and eyes the size of golfballs, that it was impossible not to become caught up with him in this dream. "Well, if Arima says it, then of course you will! Won't you?"

Killing ghouls was Juuzou's life. Who was she to trample on that dream? "But first," she said, clearing her throat. "You'll need a haircut. It's not befitting of a Rank 2 Investigator to go on with that appearance."

Sometimes she just couldn't help herself in nagging him motherly every once in awhile.

Juuzou turned his back on her at those words, facing towards the buffet table once more. "I guess I do lots of things 'unbefitting of a ghoul investigator,' hu?" His tone was low and he was mocking her, but Emiko saw through it. Just past his gaze was his superior.

"It's nice that Shinohara was able to come to your promotion ceremony today, isn't it?" she asked, pointing over towards the Special Class Investigator.

Juuzou only shrugged however, and resumed the 'carefree' voice he liked to use with her whenever he wasn't in the mood to talk about deep things. "He's taking me to get my quinque soon, so that's what's _really_ nice."

After the raid on the 11th ward, Shinohara had sustained major injuries. At first it was uncertain if he would have even been able to make it to her wedding at all that summer, but luckily he was able to walk her down the aisle. Shinohara was a strong man after all - a force to be reckoned with.

"It was scary when he was in the hospital, wasn't it?"

"Not really."

In a sudden movement, Juuzou twirled around from the buffet table and flicked something soft at her face. With her lack of depth perception, it took a moment to realize the effects - chiefly, all the powdered sugar now setting into the front half of her blouse, and a pastry sitting in the palm of her hand.

Juuzou couldn't help but laugh as Emiko's cheeks flushed red and she quickly, yet discreetly began the process of cleaning herself off with napkins from the table. The only real work she seemed to be achieving however, was smearing the confectionary further into her outfit. It always amused Juuzou to see her reactions whenever faced with something she had absolutely zero control over, and he liked putting her in those situations often.

"Stop pestering me with useless questions you already know the answer to," he said through his laughter. "What you should be doing is praising me more, instead. This _is_ my promotion ceremony after all."

Realizing her efforts were futile, Emiko set the napkin down on the table and chucked the soft pastry back at him, only to see Juuzou catch it in his mouth.

"Alright, alright," she said, attempting to stifle her giggles. "You win."

* * *

Emiko was just getting home after a long day's work, to begin cooking dinner for herself and Akihiko, when her cell phone began to vibrate in her purse.

Kicking off heels in the doorway, she bent down into her purse to fish for the device, and was surprised to see Amon on the caller ID.

"Hello?" she greeted, reaching up and pulling the pin out of her tight bun, letting hair fall loosely over her shoulders. It was unusual to hear anything from Amon, especially this late at night. The last time they interacted was during the Promotion Ceremony a few weeks ago, where she had congratulated him on his advanced rank - becoming First Class Amon Koutarou.

" _I'm sorry to call you so suddenly!"_ the young investigator said over the phone, rather frantically and out of breath. The urgency in his voice made the hairs on the back of Emiko's neck stand up.

"Amon-san, what is it? Is something wrong?"

" _I'm sorry to call you so late, I just… We got back from a mission and… Shinohara is in the hospital again, and so is Akira and Juuzou and..."_

Amon's voice continued to list investigators from his team, but Emiko could no longer hear as her heart nearly seized. If she wasn't already down on the floor from rummaging through her bag, she would have fallen over.

"Ho… hospital?"

What kind of mission was this that sent all three of them to the _hospital_? How many times a year would they have to go through tragic ghoul raids?

" _I called Houji-san but… I'm sorry, I didn't know who else to call._ "

Emiko understood. Now was not the time to be biting on her nails and worrying as well, but to be the strong one. Ghoul Investigators go through so much emotional and physical trauma during missions, no matter the difficulty, and it's up to people like her to be calm and level headed. To help them restore order to their lives after coming face to face with nightmare-ish monsters.

"Don't worry, I'm on my way over right now."

"Emiko?" asked Aki, stepping into the foyer after sensing the seriousness of the phone conversation taking place. "Everything alright?"

She clasped the phone tightly to her chest and took a shaky breath before looking into his eyes. "It's Shinohara and Juuzou. They're in the hospital along with other investigators because of a mission."

Wasting no time, Akihiko grabbed his jacket from the coat closet and began pulling his shoes on. "Let's go then. They're waiting for you."

* * *

It must have been very late into the hours of the night when Emiko and Akihiko finally arrived at the hospital, but they were immediately greeted by Amon, who had heavy, puffy eyes with bags underneath. On normal circumstances she would have insisted he go lay down, but knowing Amon, he wouldn't be able to catch a wink of sleep even if he wanted to.

Immediately, Amon began relaying the situation.

"Akira… she's going to be able to walk again. They'll be able to repair most of the damage done to her leg…"

 _Why were ghouls such horrible creatures that had to exist?_

"Juuzou should be getting out of surgery soon," Amon continued. "That idiot… His insides were ruptured during a battle, and they got all jumbled. At least he was smart enough to sew up that wound before he died from blood loss. Even with extreme internal bleeding, they say he'll be ok though. I can take you up to go visit him if you want?"

When Akihiko put his arms around her shoulders to lead them to the elevator, was when she finally noticed the tears streaming out of her eyes, soaking her eye patch. When did she start crying?

Emiko tried her best to dry her cheeks so that the makeup didn't smear, but most of it was probably melted away by now anyway.

Why couldn't she be strong right now for Amon? Isn't that why he called her there in the first place? Isn't that what he needed?

"Shinohara is probably the worst off," he went on, voice trembling and threatening to reveal how uncomposed he really was. "He's been in and out of critical condition since we arrived. Currently he's stable, but the nurses won't let any visitors come in."

When the three CCG employees finally made it to just outside Juuzou's room, they were stopped by someone.

"Please don't go in there," said a nurse, placing a hand on her hip - whole body exuding sass and ready to block their entrance into Juuzou's room by force if necessary. "The patient is finally asleep. I refuse to reconnect his IVs for the eighth time today - you'll all have to come back in the morning if you want to see him."

The nurse was visibly showing hostile aggression towards them, most likely due to having to care for a patient as unsettling as Juuzou, but Emiko had not the time to sympathize with her. In a flash she pulled out her CCG badge from her purse. Although she was only a psychologist, having an official CCG badge had its perks.

"Very well," the nurse grumbled. "But if he does anything to you, it's not on me."

 _That Juuzou, making trouble for the nurses!_ Emiko would strangle him if he wasn't already in the hospital!

Nearly sprinting into the dimly lit room, the sight on the hospital cot was almost unbearable. Never had Juuzou looked as vulnerable as he did then on that hospital bed, with IVs and tubes sticking out of him every which way, and skin as pale and translucent as ever.

The sound of her barging into his room was enough to wake Juuzou up with a start. "So... loud…" he muttered incoherently, gazing about at his surroundings.

"Juuzou!" she couldn't help but exclaim. On a regular day the boy was already frail-looking as is, but in this current condition…

It was impossible for Emiko _not_ to run next to the bed and collapse by his side, throwing her arms round him, sobbing into his chest.

"Emi… chan?"

Immediately, she pulled her arms away from his bulging belly where she had been squeezing just moments before. "I'm such an idiot! Hugging you when you've just gotten out of surgery!" Emiko attempted to regain composure once again, but it was already out the window. It was useless trying to keep up any semblance of strength at this point.

"It's fine," he said, drifting back to consciousness. "It doesn't hurt at all. Remember, I don't feel pain."

Emiko wiped the tears from her cheeks and found a chair to sit down in, scooting it closer to the side of the bed, so she could lean forward and be closer to him in a more appropriate way. "Don't say things like that," she said, eyes inevitably filling with tears once again. "Even if it doesn't hurt, say it does!"

Juuzou blinked, lolling his head over to the side in order to more clearly see her distraught features. "Why are you... crying?"

It was always this way, wasn't it? Something similar happened years ago, when they had a discussion about death together. Instead of her helping him, it was him who was doing the healing for her. Always.

Hell, if she was going to lose control, it might as well be an eruption. "You don't deserve this!" she said practically yelling, succeeding in waking him up the rest of the way. "You don't deserve any of this! Ghouls treat you this way… but people aren't any better! The way people look at you with _those eyes_ and they way they talk about you! They don't understand you at all. People at the Academy, at the CCG, in the park and in the hospital… everywhere! They don't know… how important you are to me! I wish I could show them… how stupid they are for looking at you like that!"

She must have looked so sloppy then, with tears running down her puffy red cheeks and unruly hairs sticking to her forehead and neck from the anxious sweat she had been working up. The pains in her chest would not go away and she felt her breath becoming heavier and heavier. Some things were just too difficult to bear.

Juuzou was so much more than his prickly exterior. If only people could see him the way he was to her!

And then a small, gentle hand found its way through her defences and cupped her cheek lightly. Juuzou was smiling in a very real way which seemed to calm everything it graced, including her beating heart. If this was a shoujo manga, there would have been sparkles perhaps - but this was real life.

"I've never seen anybody cry over something as stupid as that before."

Emiko pulled her face away from his hand and frowned. "You just had major surgery. It's not stupid to cry when someone you love gets hurt."

"Sure it is," he countered, facing away from her and beginning the task of ripping out all the tubes and needles that were stuck in his flesh, now that he had regained more movement in his limbs. "Damn nurses," he muttered. "Anyway, crying is useless. Crying won't fix your problems. Crying won't bring someone back from the dead. Tears won't wash away the blood from your hands after you've been forced to kill them, or make everyone stop looking at you with _those eyes_. It's all utterly useless."

Once his body was completely free from all wires and lines, he sat up straight, looking her deep in the eyes. It was as if he was demanding an answer to an unspoken question, although his body language was strikingly calm.

Would they have been able to have a conversation like this three years ago? One year ago?

"M-maybe that's true," said Emiko, taken aback by Juuzou's sudden seriousness. "But I guess crying at least shows you're human, right? I mean, we're not ghouls. It's ok to feel our emotions and to get caught up in them… Sometimes dealing with our emotions means crying, or screaming or doing otherwise 'useless' things, I guess..."

Of course, here she was, eating her own medicine she had been dealing out as a psychiatrist for years. But did she really know what she was saying at this point? It was unclear if she was helping at all or not, or if she was even answering the proper unspoken question. Yet Juuzou seemed taken in thought at the moment, so she let him be, contenting herself with being by his side and knowing he was safe.

"I really hate people, you know?" he said after a while. He said these things so casually that Emiko would have been surprised if it was anyone other than Juuzou who was speaking them. "People are the worst. I really feel like killing them. Especially when they look at me with those eyes of theirs, whisper about me, and continue on their way, pretending like they're good people."

Emiko nodded her head. She could definitely empathize with those sentiments.

"But _you've_ never looked at me with those eyes before," he continued. "At least not really. You and Shinohara… You're both a different kind of people. The kind of people that I maybe don't mind so much."

What has their relationship become over the years, that their conversations could be this comfortable and relaxed, filled with mutual understanding? If Juuzou Suzuya had changed at all into an even slightly more capable human being, it most certainly wasn't due to her _trying_.

"It's not everyday that Juuzou gives me praise," Emiko said, smiling and finally able to dry up her well of tears. "Could it be that he secretly has a crush on me? I should remind him I'm married now."

Juuzou turned his head to face her, and laughed at her teasing. " _I'm_ not the one who just confessed their love to me. What was it you were crying about again? ' _It's ok to cry if you're in love with someone like I am with you_. _Boo hoo hoo._ ' Poor Aki. Does he know he has such a cheating wife? Her heart is so fickle."

"That's not what I said and you know it!" said Emiko, sticking her tongue out at him. "But in all seriousness, I'll have you know, Aki _does_ knows how much I care for you. Even on his day off, he came rushing over to the hospital with me to come visit you as soon as Amon called."

"Oh. Aki's here?" Something in Juuzou's voice fell and he looked grumbling over her shoulder towards the door, as if the devil himself might step through at any minute and ruin the moment.

"Don't make that face," Emiko said, nodding. "He even bought you some pocky sticks at the station while we were on our way over here. He remembers how fond you are of sweets."

"Pocky sticks? Hmm.. I guess having your guts spilled out does make you hungry. I'll accept his peace offering. For tonight at least."

* * *

 **Next time ~ Emiko learns the truth of how Juuzou lost control at Kanou's lab and ran off by himself. Emiko tries to talk about Kurona and Nashiro. Juuzou talks about his quinque a lot.**


	13. What Makes a Monster

Fear conquers people in different ways. For most normal people, ghoul encounters were greatly paralyzing, and Emiko could relate to that. But for other people like Amon, Shinohara and Akira it was fear that drove them to be the best.

Although Amon was shaken up from the raid on Kanou's lab the night before, he seemed to be doing much better after a few hours of sleep, especially now that Akira was officially discharged from the hospital with some bruised ribs and an ankle brace. Mado would have to walk with crutches for a number of weeks and would be taking some time off duty for recuperation, but it set everyone's minds at ease now that she was free to leave.

Shinohara on the other hand, was still not permitted to have visitors, and while Juuzou was currently knocked out under heavy sedatives (apparently the only way the doctors and nurses were able to keep him still long enough to administer proper post-surgery care), Emiko decided to take both Akira and Amon out for lunch.

Due to Emiko's natural personality, even off the clock people were always spilling their guts to her. People she was close to, but even complete strangers - the people she sat next to on the train told her about their insufferable in-laws, the people standing in line at the convenience store cried to her about their past traumas, and even random people at coffee shops wanted to know her opinion on how to best deal with a difficult relationship. It was a part of life Emiko had grown used to by now, but Akira and Amon seemed like a different sort of people.

Emiko of course, was ready to engage in small talk and pleasantries over soup, share light grievances, maybe even hear a little about business at the CCG, but that's not what happened at all. It was so surprising to hear them both begin announcing their most private thoughts as soon as they were all seated at table.

Instead of awkward small talk, Emiko heard all about the raid on the mysterious Dr. Kanou's lab that took place the night before. The grotesque way he had been experimenting on humans. The fear they had for their comrade's lives after engaging with the two S ranked ghouls Naki and "Gourmet". The pain they shared in seeing Shinohara collapse after a fight with the strange half-kakuja "Centipede". And then of course, the strange appearance of a certain somebody Amon recognized from the Academy.

The conversation was much too heavy to enjoy a pleasant lunch over, but most everyone seemed to have their minds off food to begin with.

"And then that reckless Juuzou, wandering in casually towards the end to join the fight…"

 _Wandering in?_

"Wait," said Emiko. "Where was Juuzou this whole time?"

During the course of Amon and Akira's story, she had just assumed Juuzou was by Shinohara's side the whole time, fighting the half-kakuja as well.

It was evident this was not the case however, as the two CCG investigators exchanged uncomfortable glances from across the table.

"We… don't know exactly where he went," began Amon hesitantly. "As soon as we arrived on the scene, Juuzou just disappeared."

"He ran off by himself. _Again_ ," concluded Akira.

Again _?_

"We _assume_ he took off to fight ghouls on his own. But the fact that he hardly ever works in teams is a problem, to say the least."

* * *

The next day, Emiko barged into the hospital after having left work early, intent on giving Juuzou a stern lecture. The impossible boy had apparently been giving the doctors and nurses too difficult a time, that they were threatening to restrain him using police force. Amon, for his part, seemed to think that adding the police into the mix would only aggravate the situation, and only place their own lives in danger.

Sure, Juuzou could be difficult, but was he really that much of a handful?

The indomitable Shinohara was currently in recovery, and thankfully was now allowed visitors. She would have to stop by and bring him flowers after she dealt with the ever pressing Juuzou situation.

On the other side of the medical room curtains however, was a frightening sight. A stone dropped into the pit of her stomach as she glanced around the room. On the bed, in the midst of some jumbled sheets and used candy wrappers, was nothing. The entire room was absolutely empty. Not a trace of Juuzou in sight.

"Oh no," she whispered to herself, automatically assuming the worst. Practically dropping the get well cards she had brought with to give to both him and Shinohara, she ran into the hallway.

"Juuzou!" she called out, nearly screaming and startling the poor nurse that just so happened to be walking by at that exact moment. "Juuzou! Where are you?" she called again, ignoring the nurse's aggravated stare, and beginning a slow jog down the linoleum tile to the elevator. He couldn't have gotten far, right? This is bad… so bad… She just hoped he wasn't hurting anybody. Or himself. Although it was uncomfortable to admit, the young investigator was certainly capable of something like that. She wasn't naive enough to skip the reports Shinohara sent in every month, detailing just how far Juuzou's mind really was at times.

"Are you looking for that little albino boy?" asked an old lady, emerging from her hospital room at snail speed, with a cane in one shaky hand. If Emiko had to guess, this was one of the culprits who had given Juuzou all that candy scattered on the bed. "The nurses took him down stairs to the physical therapy room just ten minutes ago."

Emiko nearly fainted from relief. That 'little albino boy' could only be the one she was looking for. "Thank you very much, obaasan!" she said, bowing politely before heading off to where she was directed.

If what the old lady said was true, then maybe there was less to worry about than she thought and she was worrying for nothing. Either way, Emiko would not spare him a lecture on proper hospital manners.

Down in the rehabilitation area, Juuzou was looking much more healthy and alive than the day before - with his usual stitching in place and eyes wide awake and vibrant as ever. He didn't appear to really need any physical therapy at all actually, and looked more like he'd rather be anywhere else but doing the elementary exercises he was being coerced into completing by the therapist.

As soon as Emiko walked through the door however, Juuzou perked up tremendously.

The physical therapist, obviously fed up with his patient's behavior, saw that Juuzou was no longer paying attention, and instead had his attentions focused on the woman who had just entered the room.

"Look doc, I said I'm feeling fine, ok?" Juuzou said, shrugging the man off. "If I was still in pain, would I be able to do this?"

As soon as Juuzou said these words he jumped nimbly out of the mandatory post-operation wheelchair, and did a few somersaults over to the front door, landing gracefully by Emiko's side.

"Oh hello," said the physical therapist, sighing and attempting to ignore Juuzou's acrobatics, just grateful for another adult's presence. "Are you this boy's mother?"

Emiko immediately felt offended. _Mother_? Was she really that old-looking? She reached a hand up to her hair, noting that it was still in its usual slick bun. Not a hair out of place.

"No!" interrupted Juuzou with something like an idea flashing across his eyes. Grabbing Emiko by the wrist rather forcefully and spinning her out the door with him, he called out, "She's my wife! And she gets really upset when we are away from each other for too long, so I have to go spend time with her now. Bye!"

Juuzou called out these last words as they were already halfway down the hall, so nobody had time enough to react until the elevator door opened and Juuzou threw themselves inside, quickly punching the 'door close' button, and then the one that would take them to the roof.

"W-What do you think you're doing?" asked Emiko as he finally let go of her arm and she had a chance to catch her breath. The elevator began to lurch and jolt upwards. "You can't just disrespect your doctors like that!"

Juuzou scratched his head and looked genuinely confused. "Why not? That guy's boring. He could be spending his time better by helping people who _actually_ need physical therapy."

"You _actually_ need it!" she said, wagging a finger at him, earning a look of surprise from him. "Just because you can't _feel_ pain doesn't mean something isn't wrong with the inside of your body. In fact, it means you have to be even more careful because pain is usually the first indicator of a complication! So just take it easy, ok? I don't know what I'd do if you ended up like Shinohara."

At the name of his superior, Juuzou perked up once more. "I saw Shinohara-san today! And guess what? He's doing just fine. I told everyone from the start that Shinohara would be just fine, but nobody believed me."

"Is that why you ran off by yourself during the raid the other day? Because you thought Shinohara could just handle himself?"

A dark shadow cast across Juuzou's face, and he no longer looked cheerful.

Good. Emiko wanted him to be taking this seriously.

"Nothing bad would have happened to Shinohara, if those useless idiots with him actually did their jobs properly. None of them are suited to be CCG investigators at all. They literally just stood there and watched as it all happened."

"That may be true, but don't start blaming this on anybody else but yourself!" she said, voice cracking. "Since _you_ aren't useless, Shinohara needed to trust that _you_ would be his backup! But you weren't there! Where were you even?"

"I told everyone Shinohara would be just fine, and he was!" Juuzou said, screaming at her from across the elevator. "I was doing my job! I was killing ghouls! Well I was trying to at least, but they got away… You didn't even ask me about my quinque you know! And the fact that I almost had the Centipede! Why aren't you praising me more? Mama would praise me for doing such a good job!"

"Juuzou, stop!" Emiko shouted. "You're hurting me!"

Taking a step back, Juuzou realized that he had Emiko backed up fearfully against the elevator, pinning her wrists behind her. He let go. It was awkward for the rest of the ride, as Emiko rubbed her hands together, with the red marks that bruised her skin clearly visible where he had been squeezing just moments before.

Some dreaded feeling crept up in the pit of Juuzou's stomach at the sight of those marks. Is that what _sadness_ felt like? Or _guilt_? _Pity_? He was uncertain. All he knew was that he didn't like it, and he quickly pushed it away. Locked it back up in its old and dusty box. It was not something he was ready to be dealing with.

After a few more torturous moments of silence, the elevator sounded and released them onto the roof of the hospital, after having placed a special key into the receiver. Emiko desperately wanted to ask where he had gotten that key, but decided it was important to pick and choose her battles now.

"I hate this place," Juuzou whispered, stepping out onto the gravelly rooftop, wind blowing his hair around. "Hospitals," he spat. "They're just filled with weak people. But I'm not weak, so I don't deserve to be here."

"You're right," she said, stepping out into the brisk breeze as well. From the rooftop, they had a pretty good view of Tokyo's midday skyline. "You're not weak. But hospitals aren't just for the weak. They're a place where… where humans come together, and band up to make you even stronger than you were before. I bet ghouls don't have something like this, right?"

That was quite a statement coming from Emiko, who always held a deep hatred for hospitals as well, but for a different reason. But Juuzou wasn't paying attention anymore.

"With my Jason, I'm strong though! I'm still getting used to all the tricks it has, but my quinque is really powerful. I was able to save Shinohara and Amon and everyone else yesterday! I was able to hurt Kurona's important thing too!"

 _Kurona_?

"Wait… Those girls from the academy that Amon mentioned seeing at Kanou's lab… don't tell me you fought…"

Juuzou jumped up onto a raised platform at one end of the hospital building. He spun around, pivoting on one leg, and turned to face her with his arms up like he was on a balance beam. He was dangerously close to the edge.

"I was able to wound them both pretty bad with my quinque!" he said, giggling. "Nashiro's probably dead by now even. It's only too bad I was never able to find out if their insides were the same length."

No doubt about it, this was just like the time when Tsukiko's cat had died, and Juuzou mutilated its dead body right in the middle of the street. Emiko still had nightmares about that scene every so often. She doubted those images could ever truly be erased from her memories.

"But… You grew up together as orphans living in the academy…"

"No, don't get the wrong idea!" said Juuzou, eyes wide and looking genuinely concerned. "They aren't human anymore. I don't know how it's possible, but they had kakugan and kagune. So it's ok that I tried to kill them, as long as they aren't human." He said these things so matter-of-factly that it was as if he was explaining it to an elementary schooler.

Emiko shook her head. "Sometimes things aren't just black or white like that. If they were human before then that means there has to be some of it still left in them, right? What happens to their… souls?"

Juuzou only shrugged. "Why does that stuff matter? It's still just a ghoul right? They said they are ghouls now, so I can't get in trouble if that's what they tell me. Why do you care so much about them anyway? _Centipede_ was the really powerful one. I almost had him too. I used Jason's gimmicks, but I forgot how to release it at the end, and I…"

It was difficult to pay attention to Juuzou when he said such cruel and unfeeling things. Just a ghoul? Maybe. But what is a ghoul that was once a human? A human he once knew, at that? How could somebody be so quick to turn on a friend because of some unnatural turn of events? Moreover, how was said unnatural event even possible? Did they… want to become ghouls?

Thinking about Dr. Kanou's raid brought up too many questions, and brought out the ugly side in Juuzou that made Emiko think of the worst question of all. If these two girls were now considered monsters after becoming ghouls, then what did that make Juuzou, who was raised by them? Perhaps at this time, Juuzou was best left unprovoked.

One day he'd have to face the consequences for his actions. On a day like that, all of his pent up emotions from the past nineteen years was sure to explode. It would either make him more human, or turn him into an even worse monster than Kurona and Nashiro could ever be.


	14. Giraffes and Yellow Bells

Juuzou walked down the CCG hallway, rolling a coin yen across his knuckles that he stole from a wishing fountain. The rolling was a trick he had learned recently, and practicing it captured his attention much more than helping Shinohara catch up with his paperwork.

"Investigator Shinohara was released from the hospital already, right?" asked a voice from behind a door. In the room, some of the bureau secretaries were gossiping over donuts and coffee. That was about all the secretaries were useful for - gossiping and bringing Juuzou donuts.

Before he could interrupt their 'meeting' to inform them that Shinohara was just fine, and to claim his well-deserved treats, he froze when he heard their next words.

"What about that creepy subordinate of his? Suzuya? I haven't seen him around lately."

"His file says he's supposed to be out on a 'solo investigation', for whatever that means. But my friend on the second floor said she saw him at the zoo just the other day. How childish. Wasting CCG funds for frivolous activities," said a red-headed secretary, taking another bite of her donut.

"I heard he hasn't even gone to visit Shinohara-san in the hospital. What a terrible person, that boy."

"Oh that's right, sometimes I forget he's a boy."

Giggles erupted from the room behind the door and Juuzou clenched his fist tightly around the knob. A part of him wanted to rush in there, snap all their legs and eat all the donuts in front of their stupid faces. But the better part of him, the part Shinohara and Emiko would be proud of, took a deep breath and left the doorway. Instead, he continued walking down the hallway and out the building.

* * *

The leaves had fallen off all the trees already, signalling that winter was coming soon. Juuzou wondered briefly whether it would snow again, like it did last year. He glanced down at his drawing of two giraffes on the sketch pad Emiko bought for him. It was good, although it needed more detail in the eyes - he was never any good at drawing those.

A giraffe had recently given birth to at the local zoo, and was making quite the commotion among the visitors. Children would squeal with joy when the baby came cantering near the high fence, and some of the braver kids attempted to feed it grass through the grate.

The mother giraffe was always the cautious one, particularly when it came to defending her young, and would always sway her head in discomfort if anybody got a little too close to her baby.

That's why it was a surprise when Juuzou looked up from his sketch pad just then, to see the mother giraffe just feet away, looking down at him with a calm intensity, searching deep into his soul.

For a reason Juuzou never understood, animals always seemed to like him. One of Shinohara's old neighbors said it was because he behaved just like an animal himself.

Regardless of the reason, Juuzou savored that moment with the giraffe for a little bit longer, eyes bright in wonder, before gaining inspiration and quickly began drawing once more on his sketch pad. Maybe this time he'd get those eyes right.

"Daddy, I want to go see the lions next!" giggled a little boy to his right. The boy was young, probably not even in elementary school yet, and after loosing interest in the giraffes, ran up to hold his father's hand.

And with that one image in his head of father and son, another emotion hit Juuzou, lifting its head out of that box inside of him and rattling those chains he so desperately tried to contain. Had anybody ever held _his_ hand like that?

Juuzou felt disconcerted as he experienced a flashback of his childhood, raised by his Mama. These flashbacks happened often, and Emiko labeled it as 'PTSD' for whatever that meant. He remembered being tortured by his mama, becoming numb to physical and emotional pain. Of losing every last thing he had left including his friends, his humanity and his sanity.

Then he had a flashback to the day the doves came to rescue him from the ghouls. It was over in a matter of hours, but still nobody held his hand or gave him a comforting touch. Instead, he was received with chains around his wrists and was dragged off to a CCG hospital quarantine room, where doctors poked and prodded at him like he was some sort of animal.

But Juuzou's life wasn't all horrible, was it?

No.

The first time someone had ever held his hand, was when he met Shinohara.

" _Hello, I'm Shinohara Yukinori. It's nice to meet you, Juuzou."_

Even though it was only to reach out and shake his hand briefly, something he later learned was a common greeting, it was the first comforting touch Juuzou could ever remember receiving in his entire life. Somebody holding his hand.

And then a familiar voice interrupted Juuzou from his flashback.

"That couldn't possibly be a giraffe, could it?"

Juuzou looked over his shoulder to the man standing behind him. "Shinohara-san, so you were discharged from the hospital?"

"Yeah, I caused a lot of problems didn't I?"

Together they glanced down at the sketch book in Juuzou's hands. The page that was once a cute drawing of a mother and child giraffe, was now covered in an intricate kaleidoscope-design of red patterned spots and freckles. He must have finished drawing it during the flashback. Sometimes, Juuzou spaced out and didn't realize what he did until afterwards.

For some reason, he imagined Emiko might like this picture, so he flipped the page and made a mental note to send it in the mail soon.

"I've come by to tell you that you were selected as a member for another big operation. For the suppression of a certain ghoul. The target this time is a ghoul called "Owl". It's an SSS rank."

"Is Owl strong?" Juuzou asked, eyes fixed on the giraffe that was now walking away, back further into the enclosure.

"Yeah, he is strong," Shinohara said. A grave look fell upon his face. "I didn't want you to get chosen for this mission. This time... you might actually die."

"I'm so excited!" he said back, smiling now. Over the past few weeks that Shinohara was in the hospital, Juuzou had been hunting down lower level ghouls all over the twentieth ward, and was in desperate need of a challenge. It's so boring when ghouls keel over and die before you even get the chance to hit them with your new, awesome quinque.

Shinohara didn't seem to like that answer however. "Juuzou…"

"Hmm?"

"If you were to die, I'd be sad."

Juuzou looked at his superior for a long time, staring into those sad eyes of his that oddly reminded him of the giraffe. For a fleeting moment, he desired to comfort Shinohara, like he had when he shook his hand that day all those years ago, but didn't know how.

"Whether I live or die, is no big deal." Yeah, Juuzou sucked at comforting people.

A ringing from Shinohara's pocket sounded just then through the zoo, and Juuzou saw the giraffe's ears prick towards it.

"Hello?" Shinohara said, answering his cell. "How can I help you?"

While Shinohara answered the phone, Juuzou attempted to continue on his next drawing, but stopped when the larger investigator wrapped his hand tightly on his shoulder.

"What?... No…. Is she ok?... I'll be over there right away."

For the first time in a long time, Shinohara's face betrayed fear as he shoved his cell phone back in his pants suit pocket.

"What is it…?"

"A ghoul attacked Emiko's home last night. She's in the hospital right now."

Juuzou nearly dropped his coloring supplies as he stood up, something like shock registering through him. Nothing within him wanted to step foot in another hospital ever again, but none of that mattered right now. Somebody hurt Emiko, his precious thing, and now they were going to answer to him.

* * *

It was dark outside by the time Juuzou and Shinohara stepped into the hospital.

"I'm sorry," said an old nurse, eyeing up the two - and in particular, their briefcases - with disdain. "Koen-san has already talked with multiple investigators about the incident. She needs to rest now, not be pestered."

Like hell some old lady was going to keep Juuzou from seeing Emiko. With the Juuzou's own disdain for hospitals showing, he shoved the poor old woman aside easily, making her drop her clipboard, and continued forward while Shinohara muttered indistinct apologies and attempted to explain the situation. That they were visiting as friends, not as investigators.

In a rage, Juuzou threw the door open wide to a hospital room, before realizing he must have entered the wrong one. He tried a few more doors, before finally...

"Emi-chan!" he shouted, running to her side.

She was still asleep, and although worse for wear, looked oddly peaceful. Slowly, he looked and saw her hand lying limp by her side. For a brief moment, the thought of holding it flashed in his mind, and instead of thinking through what that might mean, he reached for it.

Entwined with hers, Juuzou finally realized how cold his own hands were. Like the rest of him, his hands were small but strong, yet they seemed normal sized when compared with hers. Yes, their hands fit together quite nicely.

"Aki…? Is that you?"

Juuzou instantly dropped her hand as she woke up. Her eyes peeked open slowly, and he was slightly taken aback by Emiko's bad eye, glazed over and staring at nothing in particular. That familiar twinge stung at his heart - the same one he felt whenever he looked at it, and he was surprised to find it was the same emotion he felt when he bruised her wrists in the hospital elevator a few weeks ago. He wasn't ready to label it as guilt yet, however.

"Oh Juuzou, it's you."

Knowing he wasn't any good at comforting people, Juuzou elected to stay silent. It's not like he could think of anything to say anyway, good or bad. Together they simply were, sitting in silence, and like her bad eye, staring at nothing in particular.

And then Shinohara stepped in to save him from the awkwardness.

"Emiko, oh no, I'm so sorry…"

With the presence of now the two most important men in her life, Emiko allowed herself to cry at that moment, and Shinohara stepped over to wrap her in his strong arms.

Juuzou however, began to feel uncomfortable. As if somehow he didn't belong in this room anymore, despite the fact that just seconds before, being here was the only thing he wanted to do. Emotions were too confusing to have, and he briefly wondered if this was why most people acted so irrationally.

"How could something like this happen?" whispered Emiko once she had stopped crying enough to talk.

"The investigators that were here said the ghoul must have been connected to Aki somehow, but when his family looked into it, they realized there was no connection at all to any of Aki's previous cases," he began to explain quietly. "The last I heard, they think the ghoul was connected to Aogiri Tree. I know nothing else…"

Shinohara reached forward on the bed and held her once more.

"What did the ghoul look like?" asked Juuzou suddenly, an idea sparking in his mind. "If you tell me what it looks like, I can kill it like I did the one that killed your dad." That surely would make Emiko feel better.

But the therapist shook her head and raised two, empty eyes to look into his. "That won't be necessary. It's dead already. I... killed it."

Juuzou genuinely felt shocked. It's not that he thought Emiko was weak... Well yeah, he did actually. Sure she was strong in certain situations, and she wasn't a completely useless bum, but against a ghoul he never thought she would be able to stand a chance, let alone _kill_ one.

"You… killed a ghoul?" he responded dumbstruck, something of a smile forming on his chapped lips.

Emiko only continued to stare blankly at him though, as if her thoughts were somewhere else. "Yes," she said. "Aki was sleeping, when I went to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. That's when I-I heard him scream. I-I-I didn't know what else to do! I ran to the living room where Aki keeps his quinque and ran back as quickly as I could, but…."

She began to cry again, and Shinohara placed a hand on her shoulder.

"That's ok, you don't have to talk about it anymore," he said. "Get some rest, you've been through a lot. If you're being discharged soon, you can come stay at our house tonight."

But Emiko shook her head. "I'll stay the night here. The doctors want to run some more tests."

As if on cue, a doctor peeked his head through the door. "Oh, it's rather late for visitors isn't it?"

Seeing Emiko crying on the bed in Shinohara's arms, the doctor was about to turn around to come back later, but Emiko stopped her tears just for him.

"Please," she said. "I need to know. Is everything ok? There's no damage, right?"

The doctor looked hesitantly back into the room, but with one look at Emiko's tear streaked face, he decided to stay.

"That's right, everything looks healthy Koen-san. Congratulations, your baby will be just fine."

A sigh of relief escaped Emiko's mouth, while Juuzou's jaw nearly dropped to the floor.

"B… Baby?"

The doctor escaped the room quickly at that moment, to allow the grieving patient more privacy with her visitors.

"'Baby', what does he mean?" asked Shinohara, clearly shocked as well.

Emiko looked up at him, still buried in his arms. "We meant to tell everyone earlier, but with what happened during the raid a few weeks ago, we wanted to wait until it was a good time. I'm... three months pregnant."

"Is it Aki's?"

All eyes turned towards Juuzou, but Emiko was too tired to be offended. "Yes Juuzou, it's Aki's."

He didn't know why Shinohara was looking at him like that. Did he say something wrong?

"We should let you get some sleep then. It's not good to think about bad things. We can pick anything you need at your apartment, and come meet you in the morning."

* * *

That night Shinohara and Juuzou got a hotel in the 13th ward, before heading over to Emi and Aki's apartment. Windows were broken and tables and couches were overturned, but the blood all over the bedroom was the most prominent feature. The body had been removed, along with any evidence, but there was a still a big mess to clean up.

"Shinohara-san?"

"Hmm?"

"I still feel angry. But I feel something else too. What is this?"

The investigator glanced down at his subordinate thoughtfully. "Well, Emiko is somebody precious to you, right? It's natural to feel angry and sad when something bad happens to somebody close to you."

Juuzou shook his head. "No, that can't be it. I was really angry when I heard a ghoul attacked Emiko, and I thought I would feel better when I heard the ghoul was dead already, but I don't. These feelings won't go away."

"Well," said Shinohara, gathering up Emiko's bag. "Revenge killing doesn't automatically make everything better. Sometimes, you just need time for healing to take place, surrounded by those you love."

Juuzou wrinkled up his nose, but instead of arguing further, he disappeared into the bedroom, and came back out quickly with two eyepatches in his hand. One was plain white, and on the other was stitched a storm. The one he had stitched for her.

"Do you have everything?" Shinohara asked as he stuffed the storm patch into the bag. The other he put in his pocket.

"Yeah, let's get back to the hotel. They might have left us some candies on the pillows."

* * *

That night, Juuzou was wrestling with sleep before he suddenly felt as though transported to a strange place.

" _Hello?" he called out in the strange room. "Where am I?"_

 _All around him was blue, and something like a storm was crashing about on all sides. With one look down, Juuzou saw that he was actually somewhere in the sky, looking down on Tokyo._

 _Juuzou was never afraid of heights - he was never afraid of anything really - and so he immediately dropped onto his knees and gazed in wonder at the world below. It was as if he was suspended in air, standing on glass looking down._

" _Hello Juuzou, it's been a while," said a voice standing next to him, yet from very far away._

 _He looked over his shoulder to see a little girl with white hair and wearing a pretty white dress. She was adorable, he thought, and seemed familiar._

" _Do I know you?" he asked, standing up to get a better look at her._

" _No," said the little girl, shaking her head. "You have no idea who I am. Not any more."_

 _Juuzou was confused by this answer, and walked closer to get her to look him in the eyes, but then stopped._

 _The little girl was chained to a post. She had a black collar around her neck, with a little yellow bell in the center of it._

" _Oh…"_

 _Juuzou no longer wanted to be around this girl. Iinstead of continuing towards her, he turned around and began walking away. But as soon as he turned, a solid block of black thunderclouds sprang up in his way, forcing him to turn around and face his problems once again._

" _Please help me," said the little girl, tears welling up in her eyes and falling down her soft, pale cheeks._

" _Shut up, Rei," he told her. "I'm not falling for it."_

 _Instantly, the little girl's crocodile tears dried up. "Very well. If you won't help me, I'll be forced to help myself." At that moment, a set of keys appeared in the girl's hands, and she swung them around gracefully on her pinky finger._

" _Where did you get those keys?" asked Juuzou, angered._

" _You don't remember? You gave them to me. No take-backs."_

 _As if willed by his anger, Jason suddenly appeared in Juuzou's hands. "Don't you get that I am trying to help you? I'm trying to help us both survive, and that means you need to stay chained up to that post. Drop the keys now, or I'll kill you." He brandished Jason out in front of him skillfully, hoping to intimidate._

" _You won't kill me," said the little girl, the faint traces of a smile on her face as she fingered each individual key on the chain._

" _Watch me," he said. Juuzou leapt forward then, his scythe lifted up high above his head, ready to swing low, but suddenly Rei wasn't there anymore. "Stupid girl," he muttered in her cloud of smoke. The thunder clouds began to rumble overhead. "I should have killed you a long time ago. Now that I have Jason, you can't run from me anymore."_

 _A giggling from close by told Juuzou the girl was behind him now and he swung around, ready to point Jason at her neck, but realized the girl standing there wasn't Rei anymore. It was Emiko. Or rather, Rei now took the form of Emiko._

" _Well, you might kill me," said Rei's distinctive voice, through the therapist's body. "But you wouldn't kill Emiko, would you?"_

 _Juuzou hesitated. He knew Rei was just playing tricks on him again, so why did it matter?_

 _Before having to make the decision himself however, soon the front of Emiko's white dress was soaked in blood, and he realized it was coming from the thunderclouds all around him. Yes, it was raining blood down on them both. He took advantage of the confusion to snatch the key ring from her hands._

" _Stupid boy," said Rei, her own childish face back again and twisted into a frown. "Well no matter. I'll be free soon, whether you give me the keys or not."_

 _Juuzou wanted to ask what she was talking about, but stopped himself. He always knew what Rei was talking about._

 _She sensed his hesitation. "You feel it don't you? These walls of cloud and glass you built around me are breaking. The chains you put around my wrists are crumbling and getting weaker everyday. Soon I'll be free, and you'll have to accept me as a part of you. That's all I want, is for you to acknowledge me. I've accepted you. Why won't you just-"_

" _Shut up!" Juuzou screamed, swinging Jason around wildly in front of him with one hand, and clutching his head with the other. His head always hurt whenever she talked to him. It was an awful, head splitting pain that felt like fire - like a thunderstorm was raining blood inside his own head. "Shut up! Shut up!"_

"Juuzou? It's ok! It's just a nightmare!"

He awoke to find himself drenched in sweat and his own blood, blood from the places he had clawed at himself during the night.

"Are you ok?"

Juuzou shook his head, clutching his head with both hands now. Jason laid inside it's briefcase at his side, giving him some comfort, but not as much (he noted), as Shinohara gave.

"M-Mama…" he whispered hysterically.

Shinohara rubbed his temples, but was used to being woken up in the middle of the night by Juuzou's screaming. Although for the past year or so they have been less frequent.

"You're mama isn't here," he said, remembering the words Emiko taught him to say whenever this happened. "You're safe now in the custody of humans. I'm Special Class Investigator Shinohara Yukinori, and you're Second Class Investigator Juuzou Suzuya. As long as I'm by your side, I promise to protect you."

* * *

Aki's funeral was held two weeks after the ghoul incident at their home. That's how long he lasted in the hospital before finally passing away. Poor guy didn't even get to hear the news of his child and wife being safe and sound. His life was merely there one moment, and gone the next. As fleeting as a cold fall breeze or the sun peaking through on a cloudy day.

Juuzou never understood funerals and wouldn't have gone, especially to someone like Aki's, but he did it for Emiko. He went because he didn't know what else to do. Because she was so incredibly sad and there was nothing he could do to make her feel better.

The funeral was quiet, and filled with crying old ladies and men in suits. This time, Shinohara didn't force him to wear one, but he decided to of his own free will. Wearing uncomfortable attire suited the occasion more.

This time as well, instead of falling asleep during the boring parts, Juuzou thought of the time he and Shinohara were at the zoo, just a few weeks ago.

" _If you were to die, I'd be sad."_

That's what Shinohara said. Is that how Emiko felt? For some reason, a small part of Juuzou understood her feelings, ever so slightly, when he thought of Shinohara's words.

"I don't think he'd want you to be sad," Juuzou said quietly during the reception after the funeral. They found a moment of solitude together, after the people began clearing out.

She turned to look at him cautiously. The casual tone made him sound mocking. After all, this was the boy who compared death to playing games. But one look in his eyes and she knew his sincerity.

"Yeah… You're right."

As Juuzou was about to get up to leave, Emiko began to make strange, muffled noises. Assuming she was crying, he reached down and patted her on the head. _Didn't you hear me?_ he thought. _Aki doesn't want you to be sad, so stop it._ The words just weren't forming in his mouth.

Emiko reached up and grabbed his hand, running it down her cheek, getting his palms wet with her tears.

"Don't leave," she whispered.

The sound of a bell rang in Juuzou's head at that moment, but he quickly stifled it. Instead of thinking, he simply obeyed, and sat down beside her, in the uncomfortable plastic funeral chair, while she continued to cry into his hand.

* * *

 **Hello!**

 **It's been a while - I hope you all haven't forgotten about this story. I couldn't tell if this was a good chapter or not, but instead of overthinking it, like Juuzou, I just decided to do it, and post it anyway. I just happened to be in that angsty mood. Next chapter I'm going to get into some of the Anteiku Raid stuff. Have fun!**


	15. A Fresh Start

**A/N**

 **CAUTION: The rest of this fic will contain some spoilers from the one-shot, Tokyo Ghoul: Joker. If you haven't read it yet, you totally should. It is by Ishida himself, centers around Juuzou, and is only 30-some pages. More information at the bottom A/N if you want to read it, otherwise, enjoy being spoiled!**

* * *

The voices in his head stopped, that was the first thing Juuzou noticed.

Or maybe they were still there, but they no longer bothered him.

In their place was an emptiness that was rather quite lonely. It was loneliness and sadness and excitement and happiness all at once. For some reason he could understand all of these things, although they were all still new and strange, and he didn't know what to do with them.

He was, once again, lying in a hospital room. Damn.

One of his legs was missing. At least it was the right leg though, he could live without the right one. If only because, like the Owl said, his one-leggedness now matched _his_ …

Shinohara. The Indomitable.

In an instant, Juuzou's entire world had been changed by that one man.

And now that empty place in his heart and head where unfamiliar emotions were now filling, was slowly bringing him back to consciousness.

Emiko was here, crying about something or other. No, that is a lie. Juuzou could now understand (ever so slightly) how she was feeling. It was the same as watching Shinohara, right?

Where before, spending the night in the hospital was the last thing Juuzou would have wanted to do, it now did not seem so bad. _He_ was here, after all, right?

"Shinohara-san… Never… Again… " he said feebly. Like a toddler discovering language for the first time, these were his first words after waking up from whatever kind of sleep he was previously in. His first words after waking up from whatever kind of life he had previously been living.

"Yes, that's simply the kind of fighting spirit I'd expect from a model investigator such as Juuzou-kun," said a man from behind them, entering the hospital room. "I dare say he'll be promoted quite soon."

It was Mougan Tanakamaru, Special Class.

"I'm sorry to interrupt my lady," he said, bowing curtly to Emiko. "I came to inform you that Shinohara has stepped out of critical condition-"

"Oh thank goodness!" she practically shouted.

Although a little worse for ware, the two men came out of the battlefield with their lives still intact. It was a selfish hope, but a part of Emiko was happy when she heard the news they both lost limbs. Maybe now, she thought, they would both stop being so reckless. The two men could finally settle down and find nice, safe jobs. Shinohara could finally learn how to be a family man to his wife and kids who were growing up so fast without him and who missed their father who was always away on missions. Juuzou could maybe go to art school, and learn how to live a quiet life. And Emiko could have her baby in peace. This could maybe be a new beginning for them all. The beginning of a peaceful life together.

"But he's still in a coma, my lady," Mougan said, apologetically. "They don't know when he'll be out of it, but they're now allowing visitors."

Coma? Shinohara? He'll snap out of it soon, she thought.

Before Emiko could get up to leave however, Juuzou lifted his hand and grabbed hold of her sleeve with surprising force, given the state he was in.

"I want to come too."

* * *

 **3 Months Later**

Emiko opened the front door to her new home, ready to go out for a quick trip to the grocery store, but was surprised to find Juuzou standing there, hand raised up as if he were about to knock.

Instead of looking awkward or bashful, he simply continued to stand there smiling, leaning against his crutches like nothing was wrong.

She wanted to slam the door in his face and tell him to never come over again. After all, they had not talked since the fight. But she kept her cool.

"Hey Emi-chan, whats up?"

"Why are you here?"

"Hu? Don't tell me you're still mad at me."

Tears began to form in her eyes when she realized her answer. "No... I'm not. I've… I've actually missed you a lot."

"Good!" he said, with another grin. "Then, uh, you'll let me come inside right?"

It was weird seeing Juuzou use crutches. He had never leaned on anything or anybody in his life. That was probably the reason Mougan decided to tell Juuzou that CCG funds would cover the cost for a prosthetic leg.

The moment the 2nd rank investigator's eyes lit up in response, Emiko knew the truth.

" _With a prothes- er -fake leg, does that mean I can still be an investigator?"_

In an instant, Emiko's dreams of a peaceful life with Juuzou and Shinohara came crashing down. She had tried desperately to reason with him - to get him to see that the Owl leaving him without a leg was his opportunity to get out of the CCG before it cost him his whole life, but Juuzou refused.

" _Shinohara-san is currently out of the fight, so someone is going to have to fill his shoes while he's away. I'll work hard to fill those shoes."_

Rubbish. It was all rubbish, and Emiko stormed out of the hospital alone that day, not bothering to look back. Emiko wasn't going to stand back and watch as another investigator she cared about was destroyed by the CCG.

At least, that's what she used to think.

For the past few months she tried desperately to search for another job. As a marriage counselor, at a psychiatric ward. But none of those things were as fulfilling as her old career at the CCG. It was something that was a part of her now, and something she could no longer run away from. There was no way she could leave all those people at the Bureau behind now, the people and investigators that depended on her. It's funny how a tragedy can simultaneously rip people apart and bring them closer together.

The bottom line was, Emiko had a duty to serve the CCG, and she now partly understood that Juuzou must have a similar tugging in his heart. He loved Shinohara, after all.

It was amazing to Emiko that the first person Juuzou ever apologized to in his entire life, and actually meant it, was not her, nor Shinohara, but Shinohara's wife.

As soon as Mrs. Shinohara arrived in the hospital, he jumped out of his wheelchair and fell to his knees.

" _I'm sorry, this wouldn't have happened if I did my job properly."_

Juuzou had changed a lot after the fight with Owl, and instead of asking him about it, or being there for him during his suffering, Emiko pouted like a child because he wouldn't run away with her. Once again, Juuzou proved to be the more mature one.

But if there was one absolute in this world, it was that Juuzou and Emiko could never be far apart for too long.

"I had my _prosthetic_ leg fitting today," he said proudly. He probably spent a lot of time nailing down the proper pronunciation of that word, and that thought made Emiko smile. "They have to make a few small adjustments, and then it'll arrive soon."

"I'm glad," she said softly. "You know… I quit my job at the CCG, but being away from my office only made me wish I was back there. It's all I can think about lately."

"I think you should go back," said Juuzou without hesitation. "You are good at what you do. If you are good at something and you like it, you should keep doing it, right?"

"I guess…"

Silently, she made coffee. Juuzou hated the bitterness of the drink, so she made sure to add extra sugar and cream to his cup, just the way he liked it. Just like old times.

"I'm getting promoted soon."

"I heard," she said. Steamy tendrils rose from their cups as they both sat down at the kitchen table. Mougan became her 'in' at the CCG, after feeling horrible for starting a fight between the two, and told her just what she suspected - that Juuzou would not be stepping down, but rather be promoted to First Class Investigator - completely skipping over Rank 1. Didn't Arima and her joke about something like this happening a year ago? Apparently the man was not only a shinigami, but he was also a prophet.

Emiko laughed when she remembered the day she thought her simple training in Judo would be enough to subdue Juuzou in case he ever got violent around her.

But the laughter was only a mask to cover up the tears that were steadily forming in her eyes. Instead of Emiko being the one to break down first however, surprisingly, Juuzou beat her to the punch, and collapsed from the table all of a sudden.

For an instant Emiko thought that maybe he had slipped and fallen, but quickly realized he was on his hands and knees in front of her, in a begging position.

"Please, help me Emiko…"

Alarmed, she dropped down to the floor beside him and dragged him up by the shirt collar. "What's wrong? Does your leg hurt? Should I call-"

"That's not what I need help with," he said, shaking himself free from her grasp. "I want you to help me with something... more personal."

Emiko let her arms fall limply to her sides, and shifted more comfortably onto the kitchen tile floors. "Personal?"

"It's just that, I think I'm ready. I know I'll never really be a normal person, but that's not what I want. I just-" he took a pause here, to clench the fabric around his chest. "I just want to learn how to deal with all this. How to deal with… being human."

Smiling, Emiko leaned forward and cupped his cheeks in her hands, forcing him to look at her own tear streaked face. "You idiot! I've been here this whole time trying to help you, and you decide _now's_ the time to accept that help?"

Juuzou frowned as much as her hands smushing his cheeks together would allow. "You shouldn't lecture me. I'm here now, aren't I?"

Pulling him into a hug, they both let escape a silent sigh of relief. Once again, Juuzou was helping Emiko without realizing it, and now she'd finally be able to return the favor.

* * *

Emiko's life must be some long, cosmic joke that the beings in charge of the universe enjoyed laughing at every once in awhile in between creating wars and causing natural disasters. Because Juuzou had never paid attention to any of Emiko's advice prior to now. Because Juuzou had never seem so interested in learning prior to now. Because Juuzou had never sat _still_ long enough to properly learn anything prior to now.

Perhaps she should just be grateful for the sudden change. This was just how much Shinohara meant to him after all - yes, everything he was doing right now was because of that great investigator they both looked up to. One day Shinohara would wake up, they were both convinced, and see how much progress they had made. One day…

However, for today, Emiko was stuck answering a barrage of the most basic of human questions, while the chatterbox himself sat in the front seat of her car, barely able to keep himself contained. Today was a big day after all - the day of Juuzou's promotion ceremony.

He had been practicing running and jumping around in her yard with his new leg, trying to get 'the hang of it' before his promotion. For whatever reason he needed to know parkour before the ceremony started, and Emiko was too afraid to ask why.

It was now only two more months till her due date, but she was already so big that it was difficult to continue on her daily tasks. Mougan, an ever growing constant in her life, had joked around that she was carrying twins, but she shut him up real quick.

And a result, Juuzou had moved in. It only seemed natural.

He was still recovering from his injuries and learning to walk with a prosthetic leg, so he couldn't work for a time. Not to mention, many higher up CCG personnel were concerned that Juuzou would go berserk now that Shinohara wasn't there to 'control' him anymore, so Emiko was assigned 'caregiver'. Not that she minded.

It was nice to have someone that could help her with things around the house, and Juuzou didn't seem to mind the chores. He wasn't much of a handyman, accidentally putting holes through walls when asked to hang pictures up, or wrecking half her fence when asked to mow the lawn. But he was good with the simple things, like folding laundry and washing dishes. It seemed Mrs. Shinohara trained him well.

Plus, after Aki's death, the CCG took back possession of his quinque, leaving Emiko defenceless in the case of another ghoul attack, something she had been quite paranoid about. Knowing Juuzou was around, stocked to the toes with quinque knives (literally, he filled the hollow part of his prosthetic leg with them), just made her feel safer.

"What does it mean when people blush?" he asked absently, picking at the junction between his leg and the prosthetic.

"It could mean lots of things, but usually it means they're embarrassed in some way."

After the promotion ceremony Juuzou would be going back to work at the CCG, taking up more dangerous missions as a First Class. The life of an investigator was a hard one, but she understood now that Juuzou wouldn't feel complete with it any other way. Just like how Emiko was scheduled to return to work at the CCG Bureau's Psychotherapy Unity, after her delivery of course. Some things never change.

"What if my new subordinates are useless idiots? How do I deal with that?"

Emiko giggled.

"Don't lash out at them in anger, especially if they are trying their best. Instead, calmly tell them what they need improvement on, and teach them tricks on how to do better, building on the skills they already have. Remember, your job as their mentor is to help them grow."

One of the privileges of being First Class, of course, was mentoring new investigators, and Emiko had the pleasure of being on staff of the unit responsible for picking Juuzou's new subordinates.

After interviewing them all, they finally found the perfect fit of four recent academy grads, all 2nd Rank Investigators who absolutely adored Juuzou and admired him as a strong investigator. Emiko shouldn't have been surprised at this point, but she still felt a tickle of pride to know her Juuzou was well respected by quite a number of people. Apparently, his fight with the SSS rate Owl (along with his recent mood shift), has earned him a lot of popularity points, especially with the younger investigators.

"And if worse comes to worse," she continued, attempting to lighten the mood. "You can always have them do the boring stuff, like paperwork in the office."

"Ooo, or like fetching me cookies from the store, or peeling those annoying tops off of pudding cups?"

Emiko forced a laugh, hoping that this was just a joke.

Together they pulled into the driveway of the auditorium hall, and she ruffled his new black hair before parting ways to their seating.

For some reason, Juuzou wanted to die his hair black for the promotion ceremony, and Emiko obliged. As a therapist, she understood that sometimes people needed to change their appearance in some way, to help them cope with big changes in their lives. Juuzou already showed this behavior with his body stitching, but now he wanted to change his snow white hair. At first Emiko thought it was because he wanted to stand out less in a crowd, but it became clear this wasn't the reason.

Sometimes, there is a longing in the human heart for which there is no other explanation. The same night Emiko fiddled around with the black hair dye on Juuzou's head, she cut her own hair with a pair of shears, until it was just chin length. Together they were making a fresh start.

* * *

 **I tried posting a link but FF is weird about that stuff.**

 **So just go to the kissmanga site, search and click Tokyo Ghoul, scroll to the bottom of the page and Joker is right before Chapter One. I don't know why they decided this was the best place for it, but there it is. Enjoy!**

 **If you're up to date with the series, you'll notice I took some liberties in making Juuzou jump from Rank 2 to First Class. Well, to my knowledge, it's not really stated one way or another if Juuzou was ever Rank 1, so I thought it would be funny if Arima's (canon) prediction actually came true.**

 **Anyway, there's probably one or two more chapters of this fic left, and then I'm finally ending this series. Thank you all so much for your comments/favs/follows and support from the bottom of my heart.** **It has been a fun ride!**


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